this is my dull life. this is my dull life on drugs. this is a haiku.

Friday, July 01, 2005

Canada Day

So it's Canada Day (Happy Birthday, BROTHER!). Everything's closed. Except Stockwood's Convenience Store. Being a holiday, the majority of St. John's would like to get their drunk on tonight, and since Stockwood's sells beer, it's PACKED.

Bert just got back from there, for which he had ventured to exercise his god-given right as a college-aged consumer to purchase booze. At first, that was pretty much the only reason he found himself standing in line for the 25 minutes, but you see -- conveince stores are set up in a funny way. There seems to be an implulse-puchase-gradient that runs from the far end of the store to the counter. You've got your uninteresting cake-decorating supplies and electrical socket covers at one end, and then you've got your delicious sweets and shiny-packaged objects at the counter end. Bert, being the simple fellow that he is, fell prey to this clever ploy.

As he was making his way to the front where he would ask for his beer from behind the counter, the dazzling fonts and glittery aluminum foils of various products caught his eye. So there he was, ever-so-slowly moving to the front of the store, all the while becoming caught up in a mounting wave of consumeristic momentum as he was swept down the impulse-purchase-gradient. He grabbed the batteries and the gum, among other things, and as he reached the counter the whole series of events was preparing to climax at the moment in which he would make it known that he, Robert Boyd of Lewisport Newfoundland, would like to purchase a case of cool and refreshing beer for his personal consumption on this fine Canada Day. And then a funny thing happened. He set his chewing-gum, his AAA batteries, his pasta, and his frozen chicken nuggets on the counter, and when the cashier asked (as cashiers tend to do) "Will that be everything, sir?"... he said "Yes."

Go Bert.