Inventions for the betterment of the world

Pssst. OK, listen. I've got two ideas for inventions, but I'm gonna try to keep it on the DL, so that they don't get swindled from right underneath my nose. so from now on, i'll only be speaking in lowercase letters. you know... so the man won't hear. cause "the man" will patent my ideas and i won't get a cent.

ok, idea the first:
a button on television sets that uses radio frequencies to send out a signal to the remote so that it starts beeping. and this beeper mechanism would definitely have its own power supply in the form of an auxilliary watch battery, so that even if the main remote batteries were dead, you would still be able to find the remote if you'd lost it. cool, n'est pas? they've got the damn things on phones, so i don't get why no one is clueing in on the tv potential here!

idea the second:
it's not so feasible, but i still think it's cool... get ready for this, cause it's awesome... ok, a bed with a built in alarm system. don't worry, it gets better. how it works is that there is an hydraulic system and a speaker system beneath the bed so that when it's time to wake up, your bed swerves violently back and forth and an obscenely loud tire-squeeling sound emmanates from underneath of you. in principle, you think that you've either fallen asleep at the wheel of your car, or that you're the sleeping passenger in a soon-to-be horrific accident. i don't know about you guys, but i wake up best when in fear for my life. good idea, huh? perfect for the kids. might cause a few mental complexes though...

Fuck this caps thing. OK, I just remembered something from my childhood. You see, when I was younger, I used to have a problem with falling out of my bed. I guess that I'd squirm or whatever, cause all I remember is that every once in awhile I'd wake up while in the air, then I'd hit the floor. I guess my parents, being the concerned folks that they were, decided that the best way to rememedy this was to get my brother (who also had a problem) and I captain's beds. For those of you who don't know what a captain's bed is, I'll tell ya: It's a bed that 3 freakin' feet off the floor. Yeah... go figure. I'm not quite sure how my spinal cord survived through the pre-adolescent years unscathed.

The obsurdity of the whole situation didn't even strike me until about a year ago. I wonder if I looked back at the insurance records, whether I'd see a large increase in our disability insurance around that time... Conspiracy? Who knows?