this is my dull life. this is my dull life on drugs. this is a haiku.

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

A lesson in dilatoriness

OK, this next post might move me down a notch on the Top 10 Classiest Blogs list, but this all needs to be said. Or maybe I just want to say it.

Once upon a time, I used to believe that I had the perfect excuse. It was a fantastic alibi that no one dared challenge, and it was my most prized way of getting out of situations which I didn't want to be in. Such as Sunday School. I guess there's no use in a build-up, cause the picture doesn't really leave much to the imagination. Yes -- the magical word is "diarrhea".

Let me tell you -- If you want to get out of a test, or if you need some time off work, or if you need a reason for missing an important appointment, then the clear answer is diarrhea. The best part about diarrhea is that you can just GET it. There's no supplementary story-telling neccessary, unlike other fakes such as the twisted ankle or the venereal diseases. You don't have to explain how you were injured in a toilet-related incident, or how you were recklessly pooping with someone else all night long without protection. You don't even have to try to look or sound sick... though it can't hurt to attempt to exude a general feeling of discomfort at being more than 3 yards from toilet.

So like I said, I USED to believe that this was the best excuse ever. Until I tried to use it when I didn't feel like golfing in the summer after grade 9. I made the mistake of telling a certain Ram Vadi that I couldn't go, and for some reason I tried to use "the excuse". You see, until then I'd only used it on teachers and my parents, so (being naive) I expected the same decency and respect for my privacy from one of my peers.

Nope. No way. I'm an idiot.

Ram told everyone on the golf course... well, at least all the juniors. The thing was I didn't really know that he had told everyone till a few months later. It was at this point that many of the curious comments that had been made (mostly by people I didn't know), started to make sense.

Anyway, I learned my lesson. Now I'm much less liberal in whipping out the old diarrhea card. I've only even thought about using it for a midterm that I thought I was going to fail (Woop 28%!).

So there you go kids. Use this newfound knowledge wisely.