this is my dull life. this is my dull life on drugs. this is a haiku.

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Looooong post! Sorry.

Today I was doing my daily search for He-Man-related pictures (har har), when I came across this couple. I'm at odds to say what I might do if I came across these people posing like this in a park near me. I just can't even comtemplate what my reaction might be.

You always know that an employee is new at Wal-Mart -- or any other department store for that matter -- when they pick up the phone in their little corner of the store and you try to say, "Hi, I'm just looking for a remote controlled brassiere and..." (or whatever it is you're looking for) but they cut in right after your "Hi" and say "Hello" back. It leaves you both feeling stupid. Them because they've cut off the customer and you because you realize how impersonal you've become with another human being. I mean, you always throw in your "Hi" at the beginning, but at some point this became just another part of the procedure, losing the aspect that made it a courtesy. It's just cordiality without soul.

Yesterday I was at the library and decided I was getting pretty tired, so I figured it would be a good idea to curl up under the desk and nap on the single study room floor where I was. This is not altogether uncommon for with me, cause I have no problem with curling up in a variety of places and napping. Anyway, I fell asleep, had a few dreams, then woke up. I decided to study at home cause it wasn't worth staying at the library. I went down to the lobby and ended up meeting Ashley and Alisha who were heading back too, so we started walking back together.

For some reason we ended up walking through the overpass from the Chem to the Science building, and about here I started getting really disoriented and lost track of Alisha and Ashley. I was feeling kinda dizzy so I sat down on the steps going down to the first floor of the Science building, and started talking to these goths. They were acting all weird and looking at me funny, and I remember thinking that I felt kinda drunk. Like I was saying the stupidest shit. I noticed my legs felt like they were falling asleep so I was kicking them to get the blood flowing. I figured that it was the way I was sitting on the stairs. After a few more minutes of awkward conversation, I realized that not only my legs but my whole body had this strange numb feeling. I tried to stand up, but I had no strength and just fell against the wall at the bottom of the stairs.

I remember having this disconnected idea that I must have been sitting in a really bad position and cut off some vein, and that's why everything felt numb, instead of just my legs. A second later I realized that this didn't make sense, but even as this was running through my head, I noticed that all the people around me in the halls and the ambient noises were kind of fading away. It was like I had tunnel vision and my whole world consisted of the square cinderblocks of the wall and the black plastic border at the bottom of it, which was all I could see.

About at this point, I decided that something was wrong with my heart and that not enough blood was getting to my brain. My mind started racing (at least it felt like it was racing with everything else going so slowly) and I realized how, ever since I had left the library, I had felt more and more disoriented, illogical and not myself, so this conclusion only made sense at the time. The next bit was just stroboscopic memories -- flashes of light, people leaning over me, being lifted, walls flying by me as I was pesumably wheeled down halls. I was so scared at the time. Then just blackness.

I could feel these weird poking and picking feelings in my chest. They didn't hurt, but they were uncomfortable. After a second, I realized that this was what it must feel like to be operated on. I tried to yell -- to tell them that I wasn't completely unconscious -- but could only half hear/feel myself saying "Nnnnnnnn". And when I tried, with as much strength as possible, to open my eyes, I saw a vague silhouette. I assumed that it was the plastic canvas they covered everything except the surgery area with during operations. I went through a little more of this conscious unconsciousness and then…

I woke up. Yeah, you guys could probably see that coming. The first thing I noticed was how heavily I was breathing and how freaked out I was. My heart was beating ridiculously fast. Since I was still under the study-room desk, I saw that the “silhouette” had only been of the underside of the desk. I got up, pulled myself together, and went and apologized to the people in the study-rooms next to mean for the heavy breathing and strange “Nnnnnnn” sounds that I assumed I had actually been making. What a fucked up dream. That’s the first time that I’ve sincerely believed a dream to be real, and I had literally thought that I was going to die. Freaky shit.

No need to feel you have to comment, I just had to get that off my chest.

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