Tely 10

I've made a decision. I am going to run the Tely 10.

Don't try to convince me otherwise, cause it ain't gonna work. I'm going to run this motherfucking race, and I'm gonna win it! All I have to do is run 16 km in under an hour, from Paradise to the bottom of Signal Hill. Here's a map:


Maybe this doesn't look like much, but think of it like this: The route takes up 2 pixels on the all-of-canada map! TWO! Proportionally, that's a crapload of running.

I ran from my place to Signal Hill and back yesterday (5 km one-way with a massive incline) The run there took just under 30 min (I took lots of pictures, so maybe I'll add 'em later). It was my first real run and I wasn't pushing myself... so I know it's possible for me to run the Tely 10. I've just got to keep myself motivated while I'm doing it, which shall preferably be done through a massive excess of profanity. Some folks there will have all those rhythmic breathing patterns going on (in-in-ooouuuut-in-in-oooouuuut...) but I'll just be cursing like a mofo with every last breath. And yelling at the rythmic-breathey people, of course. If I'm lucky I'll throw one of them off-beat, and they'll breathe too much and fall into a ditch on the side of the road as a result of oxygen poisoning... And then their dying spark of hope will ignite the dangerous combination of excess oxygen and all those carbohydrates they were eating prior to the race, resulting in a horrific explosion. Ideally, this would knock out a few other runners as well. Hoorah!

...Listen: This is my fantasy, so whatever.

So anyway, back to reality. On my first practice run a few weeks ago, I went out at like 11:45 pm and just started running. If you know me, you know that I have a very weak grasp of direction in St. John's. I don't know where anything is. I figured I'd just follow the big MUN Tower back in the direction of home. But no, cause you know what St. John's is notorious for? Fog. Yep, the weather system that keeps on giving. Not only does it make me damp and cold, but it prevents me from finding a place that isn't damp and cold (ie. my home). So anyway, after a good 50-55 minutes of running, I realized that I had no clue where I was. So I did the thing that any independant, out-doorsy-type person would naturally do: I called Bert and got him to look up the street I was standing in on Google Maps. Ah technology, how I adore thee. He gave me enough info to get myself into a familiar area, so all ended up well. Turned out I was at the bottom of Signal Hill. The thing was, I started out running in the opposite direction, so go figure!

And a few nights later as I was running back from work at like 1:30pm (I had to go vortex stuff that I'd forgotten to earlier), there was this desk just sitting out on someone's lawn. I, chosing ignorance, picked up the desk which someone was obviously throwing out, and walked home with it. Musta been pretty sketchy looking... some young whipper-snapper walking home with a big wooden desk on his back. Oh well, now I've got a place to study for the DATs, so it's all good!

Until next time: Stay alert, stay safe! Oh Gert and Bert, you were so ahead of your time...


PS - I was browsing that "Stay Alert, Stay Safe" site, and I guess there's a section where you can submit a TV character drawing. If you do a good one, you get put in the gallery AND A FREE SASS T-SHIRT!!! Am I horrible? Yes, but I prefer to think of myself as an opportunist. Now, to go hone my mad drawing-like-I'm-in-the-age-7-to-10-target-demographic skillz...