this is my dull life. this is my dull life on drugs. this is a haiku.

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Posting from work...

It's 10:14 PM on a Wednesday night. Do you know where your Patrick is?

He's in the lab. Because he forgot to vortex his samples in the incubation bath before he left work today. This might sound mildly exciting, because hey -- isn't a "vortex" a whirling mass of fluid that sucks in anything and everything in the general vicinity, including puppies and babies should they happen to meander too close-by? Well, that definition makes it sound really bad-ass... Vortexes don't take crap from nobody... but no, I am not dealing with an unquenchable whirling funnel of destruction. The translation of what I am doing is this: I am swirling test tubes in a pool of luke-warm water. Not so cool now, is it? So anyway, I had to run all the way up here as opposed to bike (due to my flat tire), so I figured I'd at least do an entry while I'm here on the lab compy.

Hmmm... what to say, what to say... Oh yeah! OK, so maybe this should really go in the next installment of Things About My Apartment That Piss Me Off, but it's too good to pass up.

So our kitchen sink has been leaking for at least the past week, which is a pain cause that means we need to lay all the shit on the floor from the cupboard underneath. Our landlady has been trying to get her neighbor to come over and fix it. He kept no-showing, so landlady Annette starts saying that he tends to "get on a tear" (ie. drink himself stupid. (a.k.a. He's an alcoholic.)). I figured that Annette is just saying this cause she feels stupid that our sink isn't getting fixed so she's making excuses. So yesterday Annette calls me through the day to tell me that Fontz has fixed the sink -- I feel a tangential moment coming on: OK, maybe you didn't, but I got really excited when I heard the Fonz was our neighbor! I was hoping he'd come over and go "Heeeeeeeeey" with his goofy thumbs-up:

But as it turned out, I had missed the crucial enunciation of the "T". Fucking T's... the only time they're acceptable is when they're immediately preceded by a "Mr."... -- So anyway, back to the sink. I get back from work and the sink is still leaking. I called up Annette to tell her, and she tells me Fontz will be right over.

So about 15 minutes later, Fontz shows up. Lemme tell you about Fontz: His face is a little crooked. His teeth are a little crooked. He speaks like his tongue might be crooked or possibly upside down. He's basically a crooked kinda guy. So he shows up and I don't really notice anything at first, but after Bert's been in the kitchen with him for awhile, good ol' bert comes out and whispers, "I think... I think Fontz is drunk...". So I go see him and sure enough, he's stone-walled drunk. As in, he's in the I-can't-focus-my-eyes phase of the drunk cycle. He's normally hard to understand, but now he's slurring his speech and he reeks like booze. I don't get how I didn't notice at first! Bert tells me that when he tried to get down on his knees to look under the sink, he stumbled and barely missed falling flat on his face. He toyed around under the sink for awhile before telling me that he "wasn't in the mood to do this right now". I said no problem, even though I really wanted the sink fixed, cause the last thing I wanted was a rowdy drunk Fontz stumbling around. He left his tools under the sink and said he'd be back the next day, but in typical Fontz fashion, he's no-showed. He probably doesn't even remember coming over and still thinks the sink's fixed. Dah well... sooner or later he'll notice his tools are missing...

So yeah, here are some more pictures:

Lovell trying to look like he's doing an action-diving shot for me.

Pete Squires doing a Pete-pose while high.