this is my dull life. this is my dull life on drugs. this is a haiku.

Monday, November 07, 2005

God hates everyone.

I have found indisputable evidence that God hates humanity:
He allowed for the invention of my nail clippers.

I don't have a picture of them, but take my word for it -- they truly are a cruel instrument. They're just like regular nail clippers, but they've got this little platic thing around them that catches your nail clippings.

Yeah yeah yeah, I know what you're thinking... sounds practical, don't it? Well, the catch-22 is that the little lid that holds your clippings inside is tighly jammed on. You're supposed to just pull it off, but when closed, there's only a little crack that you can wedge it open from. And what's your first instinctive method of openning it? With your fingernails, of course -- The very fingernails which are now trapped inside this God-forsaken device.

It's sort of like having a device that cuts off all of your fingers and places them inside a mason jar. Don't ask me why such a device would ever be needed... I suck at analogies... But anyway, since no one who uses the finger-remover can possibly open the mason jar, you've just got a big ol' jar full of fingers that no one can open.

Which is kind of like my nail-clipper. It just keeps filling up with nail-clippings...

So anyway, that's my beef. Moo. The end.

PS - I added links to some "Classic Posts" (term used loosely) on the sidebar, for those days when I don't get to update and you-slash-I am really bored...


Anny and Raph: Hey! Boo. For your informatics, it's a little color I like to call non-gender-specific white, which is Patrick-speak for plain old white :)

Chris! I always got mad cause you'd misplace yours, then take mine and when I'd go to get them back, you'd claim they were yours the whole time and I never owned them! I seem to remember this happening at least twice, but then again -- I've got brother-bias...

And Sally, you are definitely bragging. Shut your dirty, rotten whore-bag mouth. GAH! Wow... that felt so wrong to write to you! What I meant to say was: I LOVE SALLY MACKERETH! She is the shit.

meish: Well... now that you mention it... I have been noticing that a single, unbroken shaft of pure sunlight has been striking them every morning for the past month. And then there's the choral music... Hmm...

MacGregor: Probably true. But whatever.
And thanks dude!

LOL and Lucas, your comment made me laugh out loud in the library -- A geniunely frown-inducing environment if there ever was one -- And it made me laugh twice. haha... "multilingual retarded vampire from Iceland"... what the fuck?!