this is my dull life. this is my dull life on drugs. this is a haiku.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Chaos Theory

What is chaos theory, you ask? I'l tell you what it is. Chaos theory is eight screeching Sparks -- basically just mini-Girlguides with half the maturity and twice the vocal pitch -- confined in a small gymnasium-like enclosure.

I just got back from CANIMUN (which was a blast, by the way), and volunteered to help with the "What Kind of World" UN awareness program, put on by the UN society. Since one of our society members is the leader of a Sparks group, we figured we'd go over and enlighten them as to the ways of the United Nations.

Let me just say this: Five-year-old girls have no interest in learning about the purposes of the Economic and Social Committee (ECOSOC). Actually, I don't think it's so much that they have no interest in ECOSOC, just that they have an inexplicable amount of interest in screaming and running around in circles -- which doesn't happen to be conducive to learning about ECOSOC.

Basically what we did was try to do little games to get them to learn about basic issues like human rights, UN organizations like ECOSOC, and the purpose of the UN itself. I admit that it was probably over their heads, but it ended up going pretty well -- At least for yours truly. I worked with kids for two summers, so I know all the tricks. As a result, they wanted to play my game twice, instead of telling me that my game was boring (which they did to the other presenters). Also, as we played the wind-down game of tag, a little girl tapped my knees to get my attention, and then gave me a hug.

That made my day.

While I'm on the topic, little girls playing tag in a confined space is hilarious. As I'm told, tag is used at the end of every Sparks meeting in order to tire everyone out -- and I must say: these kids make manipulation look easy. Let me set the scene: Leader yells "Tag! {Insert little girl's name}'s it!". Little girls begin running counterclockwise around the room, screaming constantly. After a few minutes, the girls are still running in the same direction -- shrieking their little heads off -- and it appears as if the majority of them are now somehow "it". Soon, the rate of whirling of the tag-circle slows considerably, and the screaming begins to subside as the little girls become oxygen deprived. One by one, they fly out of the spinning ring, only to crash against the wall and slide, panting, to the floor. I'm told that it works every week, without fail.

Other things that happened:

  • Two girls simultaneously slapped me in the ass. Under other circumstances, this may have made me feel sexy, providing that the girls had not been FIVE FREAKING YEARS OLD! Baffled as to what the appropriate response to this might be, I elected to just ignore it.
  • While playing one game ("What Time Is It Mr. Wolf?"), I was chasing this one tiny little girl, who I tagged on the back of the shoulder with like two fingers. Only TWO! Let me tell you -- this little girl flew. She was airborne for like three and a half seconds. Oddly, after she hit the ground, she got right back up and continued with her screaming and giggling. What a trooper.
  • During the opening UN spiel, one of our guys asked the big group of girls "What do you guys think the United Nations are for?". There was a few moments of utter silence, before one diligent child piped up "Counting!". I mean -- double-you-tee-eff?!? I found this really funny. Kids say the darndest things, don't they?