I am holding my blog at ransom

OK. Listen people. No one is effing commenting and I don't like it. I understand that I haven't been updating much until now... but you know what? I don't care. I need feedback or this all seems so pointless!

So here's the deal: I am not posting until a satisfactory number of people have left comments. The commenters should state (clearly and concisely) who they are, where they're from and a little about themselves. Here is an example:

Hello, my name is Carl. I live in Oklahoma. A building blew up here once. I am a plumber, though this fact in no way bears testimony to the occupation of the common Oklahomian. We have a very diverse job market.

Feel free to break out of this boring template and be more exciting. This is your chance to shine, people! Be different! Reach for that shining rainbow!

All this applies to anyone who's been here more than -- say -- twice. Capiche? And after a week, this whole non-update dealie effectively expires, regardless of whether the comment quota's been met by you slackers. I just can't stay away any longer than that...

Note: To whet your appetites, I've posted a picture above, which I shall refuse to explain. You'll be left wondering "What's going on?", "Where is that?", and "Who is that handsome devil?" among other things. And you know what? You won't know!!! At least not until my demands have been met. Diabolical, n'est pas? And if you know what the picture's about, then DON'T EXPLAIN PLEASE! Leave me my leverage...

UPDATE: OK, my statscounter tells me that someone from Gander, Newfoundland has already visited and refused to leave a comment... COMAAAAWWWN! I'm not asking for much! Have a heart and humour me please! It's a simple request, and simple things amuse simple people (ie. me).