this is my dull life. this is my dull life on drugs. this is a haiku.

Monday, September 12, 2005

Another point of order

Studies say that as many as 13% of North Americans have ADD, and frankly -- the other 87% can't fucking pay attention. So this post is a continuation of the last, made specifically for all you kids who can't focus on all this monochromic text. I'll work on getting some kind of shiny, sparkly font that makes barn-yard animal sounds when you touch it, but until then... well, just cope.

OK, so here's my solution for hang-overs:


  • your toilet
  • a large drinking glass
  • a Sharpie permanent marker
  1. Flush the toilet and let it completely stop refilling.
  2. Let it sit undisturbed for a few hours. Be sure that other residents of the house do not use.
  3. When the inside walls of the bowl are dry, carefully pour a full drinking glass of water into the bowl, avoiding splashes.
  4. Take the marker and draw a line as close to water-level as possible on the inside-back wall of the toilet bowl.
  5. Add another glass of water and repeated 3 or 4 more times.

Now, whenever you're indulging in drinks at your own house, use that same toilet. When you're done doing No. 1, just lean down, check the water-level, and judge how many glasses of water you've lost (I advise against leaning down if you're really drunk -- I'd feel bad if someone fell over, hit their head, and drowned in their own urine). Since hangovers are for the most part caused by dehydration, this should eliminate the problem at its root.

And it's a good conversation point for anyone who uses the can at your place.


This just reminded me of something else... For a while back in high school, I thought it'd be a cool idea to do a little experiment. I decided that for every time I went pee, I'd drink like 3 huge glasses of water -- presumebly more than I'd expelled. I wanted to know what would happen! Over the next few days, I peed more and more in volume and frequency, until it got to the point where I got scared and abandoned my experiment. Some things just aren't meant to be tampered with by mortals...


You know how people put limes in Coronas? Well, what should us Canadians put in our Molson Canadian beer? Bert, Craig and I were drinking the night before I went home and I thought this'd be a good idea. And yes, that is a piece of cooked bacon at the bottom of the bottle.