this is my dull life. this is my dull life on drugs. this is a haiku.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

For the friend who's allergic to everything...

Here's a fun activity for a lazy summer day:

1. Catch several dozen bumble-bees in a jar.
2. Throw jar in freezer and go out to buy some delicious peanut-butter. If you are already in possession of peanut-butter, then do a little jig for a half hour, hopping around and singing in a Irish accent.
2(b) Send me the video.
3. After the bumble-bees have stopped moving (and not too much longer after their last twitch), remove them from the jar and quickly yet carefully apply the peanut-butter to their undersides, making sure not to cover the wings or stingers.
4. Place them back in the freezer, since some will probably have started moving by then.
5. After a few more minutes, remove the jar from the freezer, open it, and throw its contents under the door of your sleeping, hyper-allergenic pal's room.

And when you hear that your friend has woken up and enjoyed the surprise, you'll barge in and say "IT WAS ME! I THREW THE PEANUT-BUTTERED BEES INTO YOUR ROOM!" And then he'll laugh, or at least try to as his throat closes off. But you'll laugh twice as hard, making up for his wheezy little wiener-laugh.

And then you'll stab him in the heart with his Epi-Pen, or whatever it is that you do with those things.

A good time had by all...


You know what's ridiculous? That.

You know what's intense? This is intense.

Get it? "THIS" is intense...? tents...? Bah! Whatever. You suck anyway.


Coleman wants to get a rabbit. He says that they're on sale for $25 bucks at Pets Unlimited. I say go for it. With prices that cheap, you can just flush it down the toilet if it's not what you expected.