Alarm Strategies

As I've said before, I have a rather large problem with waking up for my alarm, and in residence, this is a bad problem to have. Neighbors for the last two years have all said that they could consistently expect the same morning routine: My alarm going off for about 10 minutes, then Coleman's voice going, "pat... Pat... PAT!". My alarm would then go off, and sometimes this would repeat about 3 to 5 times a morning. Of course, I don't really remember, due to my condition.

Anyway, I've tried a few alternate ways to get myself up. Once, since I was constantly annoying my neighbors, Mackenzie and Lindsay, I hooked up an apparatus. Actually, it was not so much an apparatus as much as it was a string tied to the end of my blankets. The string went along the bed, behind the computer, through a hole in the wall, and was tacked to the wall beside Lindsay's bed. That was, if my alarm was going off too long, she could pull on the string and steal my covers, forcing me to get up. Come to think of it, there are probably other things I could have tied the string to (besides my blanket) that would have been more effective in waking me up... though perhaps more painful...

And before I explain the second idea, I should explain my bedside layout. I've got my alarm clock right above my head at the head of the bed, and I keep my fan going all night right beside it. you've got to understand that when I go to hit my alarm clock, I am still half asleep, with no sense of orientation. I just kind of hit around until I hit the button, sometime even hitting up instead of down if I happen to be sleeping on my back. The plan was to remove the protective grate from the front of my fan, so that whwn I went to hit the snooze button, I'd ram my fingers into the rotating blade. I thought that'd be enough to get me up, but the fan doesn't spin fast enough. It just stops. Since when did they start making fans safe to put your hands in. Whatever happened to steel-bladed fans that could damn near take your fingers off? I don't know who was in charge of making these new fans so damn... child-friendly... but someone over at the Super fan company deserves to be fired.

And Happy Birthday Lefty!!! Go wish him a good one!

Anyway... Peace out. A-Town. ©2005 Patrick C_______ (Fuck you Lefty, this is my catch-phrase!)