Coleman's giveaway

This is how lazy Coleman is:

Coleman had a set of 900 MHz wireless headphone -- perfectly good -- and a bunch of dirty dishes. So Coleman-logic (something akin to Patrick-logic) told him to put a sign saying this: "Free wireless headphones to anyone who does my dishes and cleans my microwave" And oh yeah, we hada dirty microwave, too. So as of right now, Seamus is in the bathroom cleaning some plates, then he's gonna come back in and take the headphones. Craziness, huh? Actually, Coleman's having a CLEARANCE SALE, and everything must go. We had a box of movie/music/game CDs outside our door, but that's been picked through. And then I found a bunch of Barbies up in a bin (Don't ask.), and we ripped all their appendages off and threw them under doors... Look, it makes a whole lot of sense, trust me! And the we made ninja stars from the aforementioned leftover CDs... OK, I've got this weird guilty feeling that's making me want to explain the Barbie stash. It's only a short story, and that story is that I was a "chick magnet" at Mardi Gras on George Street last Halloween, so I had a bunch of Barbies sewed to a jean jacket.