this is my dull life. this is my dull life on drugs. this is a haiku.

Thursday, July 28, 2005

Gym observations

OK, so now that I've started going to the gym, I've been exposed to all those large and burly men who I had always heard about. I mean -- I'd seen them in cartoons and on TV, but I didn't think that they actually inhabited the gym in such numbers!

On seeing one of the particular massive ones today, my first reaction was "Holy crap he's huge. I bet he eats puppies for breakfast." I had a strange urge to go stick a post-it note on his back, right in the spot which his large, grotesqly steroid-enflamed arms couldn't reach. It would say something like "Kick me", or no wait -- that's dumb. Maybe... "I'm a big fat stupid-head". No? Yeah, too juvenile... OK, how about "My excessive muscles work to accentuate my shrunken penis"?

Well... any which way, it would be funny. I'm not sure what he'd do to get it off though. Would he try reaching for a few minutes -- left arm then right arm, and repeat -- in a comical fashion? Would he rub himself against a wall or a piece of workout equipment? Would he ask one of his kronies to remove it? Or would he simply grasp me by the arm, tear off said limb, and continue to use that appendage to swat the post-it note off of his back? It's hard to say what he would do, but no doubt it would involve blood. My blood. And maybe some of his -- shed from beating on me so much.

Anyway, back to work... Sorry about the lack of contact lately everyone! I've been kind of ignoring my phone and not turning MSN on... And I regret having to miss the last Open Mic last night! Not only is my family visiting, but I had a talk with my boss and realized how much goddamn work I have to do before the summer ends, so it's crunch time. And my brother's plane is coming in tonight! Woop woop! Tomorrow we're heading up to Stephenville for the weekend to see my sister in the theatre festival up there. Well... over and out I'm done.