this is my dull life. this is my dull life on drugs. this is a haiku.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Something to do if I were feeling evil.

This is the only "Pinky-and-The-Brain"-esque caper that I've ever thought of:

Somewhere in the world, probably in Venezuela, there is a bird that sounds exactly like the cross-walk sound. You know what I mean -- that chirping sound that cross-walks make to help guide the blind through busy intersections.
Well, if I were feeling mean, I would just catch a few humdred of those (via illegal poaching, of couse, since I am feeling mean) and bring them back to civilization. Then I would campaign to host some type of International Summit for the Visually Impaired in a dense urban centre. I would hold the openning ceremonies outside, in a park situated between several busy throughfares. Then, as I stepped up to the mic for what was supposed to be my introductory speech, I would release the hundreds of exotic cross-walk birds on the unsuspecting crowd. And I'd start yelling "WALK! WALK! THE SIGN SAYS WALK!", resultings to mass disorientation, since every blind fibre in their body will want to walk.

Take that blind people and the ecosystem!*

Of course, only if I was feeling mean.


Actually, this might not even work in a few years, since they are slowly but surely replacing all the chirpy sounds with computerized voice countdowns. If you haven't heard one of these WALK-sign things before, it consists of a creepy robot voice counting down from 10, with all the odd numbers originating from the sign on one side of the road, and all the even from the other. I guess this helps guide the blind in the right direction.

They recently installed them at home, so at one point, Coleman and I tinkered with the idea of finding a visually impaired person, putting on our best robot voices, and confusing the crap out of them. This would probably not work though, since if television and movies have taught me anything, it's that blind people have uncanny hearing and cane-related-kick-the-crap-out-of-me skills.

*Note: I don't really have anything against blind people. Being politically incorrect is just a pasttime. Besides, it's not like they're going to get the chance to be offended by my site -- blind people can't use computers, silly.

Eep... OK, that last one felt wrong.