this is my dull life. this is my dull life on drugs. this is a haiku.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Ridiculous bear analogies prevail yet again

So I'm in the library studying some Psych, and I come across this pretty little fact in the textbook:

"For every self-defense use of a gun in the home, there are 4 unintentional shootings, 7 criminal assaults or homicides, and 11 attempted or completed suicides."

So I'm thinking, "WHAT IS WRONG WITH AMERICA THAT THEY CAN'T JUST OUTLAW THIS SHIT??? How can a tradition penned centuries ago by some dudes who didn't have any concept of social theory, still be upheld so vehemently today?

Trying to see it from another's perspective, I imagined a possible retort to the presentation of this fact. It might go something like this: "The solution is not to ban guns, but to introduce legislation and fund programs that will help control their misuse."

So in light of this imagined arguement, I present this simple analogy:
You've got a hypothetical playpen full of babies who are playing with lego, and, every so often, one of them puts a piece in their mouth and chokes to death. In order to alleviate the problem, you introduce a bear, highly trained in the art of CPR, into the playpen. Now, every so often, the bear will properly carry out his intended task, resulting in one rescued baby. The problem is that the vast majority of the time, the bear simply mauls and eats the children.

So how in the name of God do you solve this perplexing problem? REMOVE THE BABY-EATING BEAR FROM THE PLAYPEN!! Take the fucking bear OUT! Don't send the bear for more training, don't introduce more bears, don't ask for all bears to be registered at the CPR-bear registration bureau, just REMOVE THE BEARS FROM THE EQUATION! BEARS AND BABIES SHOULD NOT CO-EXIST. The dangerous solution makes for a more dangerous playpen for all babies, despite the minor problem that initially existed. So give the trained bears to the police, to handle the REAL problems. Or professional hunters... to... hunt ducks and... albatross...

...OK. So I must admit -- this is where the analogy starts to break down, but you get the jist of it. Guns = bad