Tom Cruise is Crazy. C-R-A-Z-Y. Take a look. It's true.
Got to give it to him though, everything is probably out of context. Mhen -- either way, he made me laugh. Alot.
this is my dull life. this is my dull life on drugs. this is a haiku.
OK so I got off work way early yesterday for once, and spent the whole day until like 3 running around and buying crap in a rush of fanatic consumerism. So by the time I got home at 3:whatever, I just wanted to sit around and do nothing. It was so nice out so I just took out the windows -- OK this remind me... Time for another exciting installment of:
Apologies in advance, cause this post is long and not an effort to be amusing in any way. It's a collection of words forming a hopefully intelligent thought, so if you came here to avoid shit like that, then it's a good time to leave... but I will get back to the barely-intelligible-babble type of content ASAP!
So I've been drinking the last few nights... On Friday I gave Martin a call and he was over at Barker's playing poker so I headed out over there, which was a good time cause I got to see a few people who I wouldn't normally call up to hang out, but I still love to see em'(ie. Barker, Tara, Rob and clearly Martin). So the plan was to head downtown and go to Konfusion, and you all know what that means. DANCING! Yeah... and you all know how I feel about that. ONLY WITH DUBIOUS QUANITIES OF LIQUOR! Wasn't in the mood for it that night, so I devised a plan which involved me spraining my ankle while walking out Barker's door on the way to the cab. Listen: I'm a thinker. Don't try to pull any of this "let's dance" stuff with me, cause I know how to get out of it. All I have to do is close my eyes and start walking. Hey, I'm so pro that sometimes I don't even have to close my eyes. All I have to do is walk. Yeah.. you're jealous. So while everyone was inside dancing, I was out on the street with my cell talking to some folks from home, which is always good! And I think I called Mackenzie too, though I'm not sure... Anyway! Spent the night fully dressed on a pull-out couch, woke up at 8 am, and then stumbled home. La fin.
Know what I wanna do? Go to the supermarket and buy two bull testicles and put 'em in a plastic baggy. Then I would carry them around with me so I could have them on hand at all times. That way, if I came across any guy doing something stupendously fruity, I could inconspicuously pull out the baggy and empty the contents onto the ground. Then I'd go, "Hey! I think you dropped these." and I'd pick up the testicles and toss them to him or into his car or whatever. And then I would run. Or curl into the fetal position and try not to absorb most of the punches with my kidneys.
I wish there was a town called Cahoots. If there were, I would go there with one of my friends (for instance, Lefty)and I 'd call someone else on my cell phone. The long distance would be well worth it. When they picked up, I'd make small talk until they eventually popped the question: "So where are you anyway?". I'd then blurt, "I'm in Cahoots with Lefty!" before hanging up.
It's 10:14 PM on a Wednesday night. Do you know where your Patrick is?
Ok, so this is the continuation of the remix... whatever that means. OK, I've decided to start a new segment, just because I'm bored and I can't think of what else to write about. It's called Things About My Apartment That Piss Me Off. I'll just add stuff whenever I feel like it. Here goes...
Ok I've got -- how do you say in French? -- les photos, and I'll post them intermittently throughtout this post, just so I don't have just a bunch of words, then pictures, then that's it. I have it so that your brain will be like "words words read words WHOA PICTURE words skim words HOLY CRAP ANOTHER PICTURE!" and so on.
Watch 24, watching each episode at the right time (watch the 9:00-10:00 AM episode at 9 am, etc), so that it takes 24 hours. The only break we'd have is the extra few minutes at the end of each episode, during which we would consume a 2-4 (a flat) of beer each. and oh yeah, the TV volume would remain at level 24 for the whole course of the show. The only thing that would make this better is if we watched it on May 2-4, but that's kind of a waste of a good party day...
Ok... blogathon questions in order of asking:
I think the easiest business to work the publicity department for would be SPAM. As in spiced-ham-SPAM. I mean, I bet they don't even have a publicity department. Who needs publicity when you're SPAM? There's already brand awareness! Every time someone gets an email reminding them that their penis isn't big enough, or that they're paying too much for car insurance, or that hot chicks want to talk to them / do them -- Every time any one of these things occurs, your subconscious (on some level, at least) thinks "spiced ham". Your brain's thinking about all that shit at once -- thinking about driving around with hot chicks and your large genitals while eating spiced ham. Hey... at least subliminally it is.
Continuing with the blogathon, Madeleine asked me five questions. Here are my answers:
Ok, so maybe lots of people know about Screech, and maybe even the story behind it's name, but I bet you didn't know this: Newfoundlanders hate Screech. Well, at least this surprised me. I figured we'd get here and they'd be drinking it every night, gargling with it before bed, and putting it on their cereal in the mornings. But no. They just see it as a drink for the mainlanders stupid enough to take it!
I would much rather spend a day at the zoo, cause if you fall asleep at a zoo, you don't get stuck there for hours and hours until the next shuttle is available to take you to the next zoo.
You simply get mauled by animals.
Hmmm... that's a tricky one. I'd have to say that you rot. Yep... pretty grim, but so's the apocalyse! Have you read Revelations lately??? Since only 144,000 souls get into heaven, if I plan on going for this whole eternal life thing, I might as well buy a raffle ticket while I'm at it. Maybe it seemed like a generous admission back then, but it's pretty piddly nowadays. I prefer to have faith in humanity and myself, not some words long-since dead.
Pfffft... that's so last year. Get with it Madeleine. What about all those crazy new moves, like " The Helicopter" or "Digging for Oil"? On a realated note, apparently "The Helicopter" was invented by some little Japanese porn-star who wears Spandex... who'da thunk it. Since I'm at the library, I couldn't force myself to click any of the links to sites with videos and pictures of this guy (though I'm sure it would be a marvellous site to behold), but that's what I got out of the short Google description...
As you know, I just stole "fetch" from Mean Girls, so I don't really care too much whether it catches on or not... but "frambozzled" on the other hand...
WARNING: Do not be discouraged by the length of this post. Gimme a break, it’s been awhile since the last. And it’s aaaaaaaaall good! -- Picture a large black man saying that last line and it’s sooo much funnier… at least I thought it was…