Saturday Summer Memory... on Monday
If anyone else from home wants to be in this sometime, just give me a shout via the comment thing.
Peace out. A-town.
this is my dull life. this is my dull life on drugs. this is a haiku.
A review of fines levied by other federal agencies suggests that the government may be taking swear words a bit too seriously. If the bill [that would raise the maximum FCC fine to $500,000 per violation] passes the Senate, Bono saying "fucking brilliant" on the air would carry the exact same penalty as illegally testing pesticides on human subjects. And for the price of Janet Jackson's "wardrobe malfunction" during the Super Bowl, you could cause the wrongful death of an elderly patient in a nursing home and still have enough money left to create dangerous mishaps at two nuclear reactors. (Actually, you might be able to afford four "nuke malfunctions": The biggest fine levied by the Nuclear Regulatory Commission last year was only $60,000.)
As I've said before, I have a rather large problem with waking up for my alarm, and in residence, this is a bad problem to have. Neighbors for the last two years have all said that they could consistently expect the same morning routine: My alarm going off for about 10 minutes, then Coleman's voice going, "pat... Pat... PAT!". My alarm would then go off, and sometimes this would repeat about 3 to 5 times a morning. Of course, I don't really remember, due to my condition.
Anyway, I've tried a few alternate ways to get myself up. Once, since I was constantly annoying my neighbors, Mackenzie and Lindsay, I hooked up an apparatus. Actually, it was not so much an apparatus as much as it was a string tied to the end of my blankets. The string went along the bed, behind the computer, through a hole in the wall, and was tacked to the wall beside Lindsay's bed. That was, if my alarm was going off too long, she could pull on the string and steal my covers, forcing me to get up. Come to think of it, there are probably other things I could have tied the string to (besides my blanket) that would have been more effective in waking me up... though perhaps more painful...
And before I explain the second idea, I should explain my bedside layout. I've got my alarm clock right above my head at the head of the bed, and I keep my fan going all night right beside it. you've got to understand that when I go to hit my alarm clock, I am still half asleep, with no sense of orientation. I just kind of hit around until I hit the button, sometime even hitting up instead of down if I happen to be sleeping on my back. The plan was to remove the protective grate from the front of my fan, so that whwn I went to hit the snooze button, I'd ram my fingers into the rotating blade. I thought that'd be enough to get me up, but the fan doesn't spin fast enough. It just stops. Since when did they start making fans safe to put your hands in. Whatever happened to steel-bladed fans that could damn near take your fingers off? I don't know who was in charge of making these new fans so damn... child-friendly... but someone over at the Super fan company deserves to be fired.
And Happy Birthday Lefty!!! Go wish him a good one!
Anyway... Peace out. A-Town. ©2005 Patrick C_______ (Fuck you Lefty, this is my catch-phrase!)
Wow! I'm so happy that people are actually commenting! Don't feel like you have to do that for everything, but just if you liked something, or you have a question, or it made you think of something worth saying or whatever.
Everybody needs a hobby. Hobbies are good. I have a special hobby. No matter what the season or the temperature outside, when I see any of the rodent-birds (ie. pigeons or seagulls), I stop, loosen my right shoe by stepping on the heel with my left, and kick my shoe at said bird. This takes talent, practice, and bitter contempt for pigeons/seagulls. It’s not as easy as it sounds. There are certain strategies that I’ve developed over the years. If you’re new to bird-shoeing, then I recommend you start with pigeons. They are pretty stupid and slow and also too stubborn to move even when you’re close to them. They are the easier to hit because all you have to do it kick your shoe right at them. Seagulls on the other hand are more difficult to aim for because they seem to anticipate the shoe launch. To get these guys, you usually have to be at a distance (which works out cause normally you can’t get very close anyway). The key is to launch your sneaker almost straight up into the air. If you’re lucky-slash-skilled enough, it’ll land right on top of the seagull. It’s funny because it doesn’t even see it coming. Heh… Stupid birds…
I'd like to start this post off with a joke. Many of you have probably heard it already, but I like it, so fuck you. Be sure to search for the satirical undertones on the current socio-economic situation in Iraq. Here it is:
This is Wayne last year after doing over 100 reps straight with a 50 lb barbell (maybe more?) with his LEFT arm when drunk. Look at him. He's such a happy guy!
For all you people who haven't seen this piece of genius, here's the music video for Monkey Versus Robot my all-time favourite song ever in the history of songs.
Lately, I've gotten onto this crazy clothes schedule. I don't change my clothes until about 6 o'clock at night. This may seem a little weird, but since I'm still changing every 24 hours, should I still feel gross? I can't decide.
Today, Bert came home from the mall with season one of MacGuyver on DVD. Firstly, I’ve got to say that MacGuyver is now one of my favourite shows. It’s just so ridiculous! In the pilot, there is a leak in a vat of sulphuric acid in an underground facility which is threatening to poison the state of New Mexico. The army has been called in to pump concentrated sodium hydroxide into the facility to neutralize the acid before it seeps into the water supply (though they later decide to just fire a subterranean missile, aka a regular missile aimed at the ground, into the earth so that it “fuses the rock around the contamination”). So anyway, MacGuyver finds the leak and patches it with -- get this -- chocolate bars. No kidding. Good ol’ MacGuyver.
Not much to say, but we had the Burke C.A.Res Valentine's Day Mixer last night, and this phrase describes my night fairly well:
Last night Coleman came home loaded. It was funny since usually, if anything, I’m the one who’s drunk when the other’s sober. Last time this me-being-sober event occurred was last year, and we got Coleman to recite some freestyle poetry, which I still have! Here it is:
Who SAID Psych wasn't good for anything? Well... me. But I changed my mind. I was reading the textbook earlier today and they were talking about correlations between watching violence on TV and violent behavior, and they happened to mention Die Hard 2. Apparently, there are 264 deaths in that movie. That's a lot of death, but I don't see how any irresponsible behaviour can come out of seeing 264 deaths... But back to my idea: I should invent a drinking game where you watch Die Hard 2 and each time you see one of these 264 deaths occurs, you take a sip. It'd be like a cross between Roxanne and Century Club (100 shots of beer in 100 minutes)!
Call me a big geek, but something exciting happened today. The librarian learned my name! It was a pivotal moment in the sacred librarian-student relationship. Actually, I told him that. Really. I even used the words "pivotal moment" and "librarian-student relationship". Mhen, I figured that they’d remember me sooner or later since I book out the single study rooms so often. Apparently his name is Patrick too, and he introduced me to Donna, another member of the librarianship (look it up, it’s a word!). Eventually, I hope to gain their confidence enough so that I can pull some strings and meet the head librarian. I mean, then I could get some sweet-ass library-type deals. Like... more... books? I’m sure there’s something I could get.
To mark the end of Valentine's day, here is an awesome link that I stole from someone. Enjoy! This is just a holiday that's more fun to bash than celebrate, at least when you're not with someone...!
Ok just a quick post I think. And yep, that's right... I said quick. Seriously.
2nd place Winter Carnival!!! Last night was ridiculous! Lip Sync was the last event and at the end they announced that we were 1st in the banner competition, and 3rd in the Lip Sync! We were making so much noise when they announced second place overall, that we pretty much drowned out Barnes’ first place announcement and their cheering! Best we’ve ever done in Winter Carnival and it was soooo close! It all came down to the last night… If you're not in rez, I'll just tell you that winter carnival is BIG.
PS - No one ever starts with a "PS", so I figured I'd break the mold and be original. But since being a rebel is kind of clichéd too, I'll just go back to writing what I normally do.
I was walking to the library today and a thought occurred to me. You know that motivational saying that goes something like "Tread off the beaten path"? You'd imagine that it was made up in an effort to get people to be unique and stop following the crowd, but I think it was just made up by some guy who had a beaten path across his lawn from punk kids cutting through.
It's Monday afternoon, 2 of the clock. I'm just getting into bed now. I have not slept yet. If I could be any animal in the world, I would be a electric stapler: full of staple-y goodness and such.
Wow. So much shit happened last night! First off, before I say anything, I'd just like to let everyone know that I'm going to be completely objective in my explanation, because I am taking no sides on anything. And just since I always get "subjective" and "objective" mixed up, what I mean to say is that I’m going to be completely unbiased:
Coleman thought that it would only work in a small glass box. Then you could crawl inside and experience weather whenever you wanted. That was how he put it: you could “experience” weather. I found this very amusing for some reason.
Think that’s stupid? We once carried on a conversation about how if you were going to invest in the stock market, you should invest in dog-racing and time-travel, because I mean, how can you lose? It’s a win-win situation! If the time-travel industry picks up, no one’s going to bet anymore, but until then, people will continue to lose money gambling. We’ve all watched Back to the Future II, so don’t pretend you don’t know how it works.
So this morning was Snowfrolics, the first real events of winter carnival. Burke won 2nd in the egg toss and 2nd in the tug-of-war, even though we lost the sled pull. Just so ya know, in sled-pull your house builds a sled and races it. Our sled, the mighty and noble Tundra, was made of milk crates and bread trays that were stolen from outside dining hall. After the race was over, we dragged it back to Burke and pushed it down one of the monstrous hills that the snowplows had made, complete with lots of boulders and ice. And oh yeah, Tyler was riding in it. Bowater came over and did the same with their “sled” (pretty much just a stolen beer sign). I’ll upload some pictures of the video as soon as I capture it onto computer, cause it was awesome!
Anyway, back to studying and being devilishly handsome… Ok… I mean back to studying then…