this is my dull life. this is my dull life on drugs. this is a haiku.

Monday, February 28, 2005

Saturday Summer Memory... on Monday

Again, for the second time in a row, this is Adam "Lefty" Leclerc. We were having a bonfire at his place and he was on the other side of the fire. I told him to look evil, and I believe he pulled it off quite well, considering that Adam is quite possibly that least evil person I have ever met. As Coleman pointed out when I showed him the picture; Doesn't it look like fire is coming out of his right hand? And of course, beer is coming out of his left hand, but the important cool thing is that fire is coming out of his right hand. Wicked.

If anyone else from home wants to be in this sometime, just give me a shout via the comment thing.

Peace out. A-town.

Sunday, February 27, 2005


FCC Censorship:
A review of fines levied by other federal agencies suggests that the government may be taking swear words a bit too seriously. If the bill [that would raise the maximum FCC fine to $500,000 per violation] passes the Senate, Bono saying "fucking brilliant" on the air would carry the exact same penalty as illegally testing pesticides on human subjects. And for the price of Janet Jackson's "wardrobe malfunction" during the Super Bowl, you could cause the wrongful death of an elderly patient in a nursing home and still have enough money left to create dangerous mishaps at two nuclear reactors. (Actually, you might be able to afford four "nuke malfunctions": The biggest fine levied by the Nuclear Regulatory Commission last year was only $60,000.)

Wow. Talk about stupid...

Alarm Strategies

As I've said before, I have a rather large problem with waking up for my alarm, and in residence, this is a bad problem to have. Neighbors for the last two years have all said that they could consistently expect the same morning routine: My alarm going off for about 10 minutes, then Coleman's voice going, "pat... Pat... PAT!". My alarm would then go off, and sometimes this would repeat about 3 to 5 times a morning. Of course, I don't really remember, due to my condition.

Anyway, I've tried a few alternate ways to get myself up. Once, since I was constantly annoying my neighbors, Mackenzie and Lindsay, I hooked up an apparatus. Actually, it was not so much an apparatus as much as it was a string tied to the end of my blankets. The string went along the bed, behind the computer, through a hole in the wall, and was tacked to the wall beside Lindsay's bed. That was, if my alarm was going off too long, she could pull on the string and steal my covers, forcing me to get up. Come to think of it, there are probably other things I could have tied the string to (besides my blanket) that would have been more effective in waking me up... though perhaps more painful...

And before I explain the second idea, I should explain my bedside layout. I've got my alarm clock right above my head at the head of the bed, and I keep my fan going all night right beside it. you've got to understand that when I go to hit my alarm clock, I am still half asleep, with no sense of orientation. I just kind of hit around until I hit the button, sometime even hitting up instead of down if I happen to be sleeping on my back. The plan was to remove the protective grate from the front of my fan, so that whwn I went to hit the snooze button, I'd ram my fingers into the rotating blade. I thought that'd be enough to get me up, but the fan doesn't spin fast enough. It just stops. Since when did they start making fans safe to put your hands in. Whatever happened to steel-bladed fans that could damn near take your fingers off? I don't know who was in charge of making these new fans so damn... child-friendly... but someone over at the Super fan company deserves to be fired.

And Happy Birthday Lefty!!! Go wish him a good one!

Anyway... Peace out. A-Town. ©2005 Patrick C_______ (Fuck you Lefty, this is my catch-phrase!)

Saturday, February 26, 2005

Yay comments!

Wow! I'm so happy that people are actually commenting! Don't feel like you have to do that for everything, but just if you liked something, or you have a question, or it made you think of something worth saying or whatever.

I really liked how Lefty subtly hinted at his birthday with a numbered list in his last post. Pure genious. Now, all I need to do is figure out how to do the same and hint at my March 17th birthday... So if anyone has any ideas on how to subtly hint about my birthday, please tell me how YOU would hint about my March 17th birthday. I would greatly appreciate any ideas for subtle references that would help anyone reading my blog remember my birthday... which on March 17th. Did I mention the birthday I would like to subtly hint at is on March 17th?

Oh and Raph and Lucas have blogs now! Go you guys! One friend from school and one from home...

March 17th.

Things to do and people to idolize

Everybody needs a hobby. Hobbies are good. I have a special hobby. No matter what the season or the temperature outside, when I see any of the rodent-birds (ie. pigeons or seagulls), I stop, loosen my right shoe by stepping on the heel with my left, and kick my shoe at said bird. This takes talent, practice, and bitter contempt for pigeons/seagulls. It’s not as easy as it sounds. There are certain strategies that I’ve developed over the years. If you’re new to bird-shoeing, then I recommend you start with pigeons. They are pretty stupid and slow and also too stubborn to move even when you’re close to them. They are the easier to hit because all you have to do it kick your shoe right at them. Seagulls on the other hand are more difficult to aim for because they seem to anticipate the shoe launch. To get these guys, you usually have to be at a distance (which works out cause normally you can’t get very close anyway). The key is to launch your sneaker almost straight up into the air. If you’re lucky-slash-skilled enough, it’ll land right on top of the seagull. It’s funny because it doesn’t even see it coming. Heh… Stupid birds…

So yeah, for those of you who don’t know me, or at least don’t know me well enough, I thought I’d let you know: Mr. T is my idol. Some people have tried to tell me that Mr. T is gay, or that it is not right for a heterosexual male to have an obsession with Mr. T. Well, fuck those people, cause “T” is bad-ass. My love of Mr. T began in about grade 9 when I had a picture frame lying around from a Christmas present that I forgot to give to my Nana. Naturally, I printed off a picture of “T” and shoved it in, and it’s been displayed in my rooms ever since. Some might say that Mr. T’s career is over, but I disagree. He’s still awesome after all these years -- still pitying fools and whatnot. You go T. There’s a funny interview that I have of him being interviewed by Conan O’Brien last year, but I can’t seem to find a link to it on the web… Yes, devastating… I realize. Anyway, here are my pictures of Mr. T that I could muster together. Sorry if I don’t have many, but the sad truth is that I don’t take many picture of my pictures.

By the way, Jay inadvertently laughed like Tigger awhile ago.

And oh yeah, you know that first MacGuyver episode with the sulphuric acid spill??? Bert told me today that there was a big acid spill on the first floor of the chemistry building today! I guess it took them awhile to clean it up and the whole downstairs smelled really funny. The great thing was that when he heard, all Bert could think of was throwing chocolate at it. If only the industrial cleaner guys dealing with it had watched MacGuyver, then the problem would have been fixed in a second.

PS - If this slows down it's because I've got lots on my plate, including but not limited to: midterms, summer research applications, capturing Burke video onto computer, editting slideshow for formal, and helping with UN Society... Life becomes increasingly complicated, don't it?

Friday, February 25, 2005

Must... write... lab...

I'd like to start this post off with a joke. Many of you have probably heard it already, but I like it, so fuck you. Be sure to search for the satirical undertones on the current socio-economic situation in Iraq. Here it is:

Q: What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?
A: One walked on the moon...
And the other likes to fuck little boys.

Haha! Get it?? It's funny because he does. I apologize for misleading you, but there was neither satire nor undertones in that joke... only simple crudeness and unnecessary profanity. Michael Jackson jokes are awesome...

So yeah, I had a lab due today at 4 pm which I still haven't finished. I'm really getting on a lazy kick this term. Dah well, what can ya do? Funny thing is, my Dad called tonight and apparently I'm invited to apply for the Millenium Scholarship thing, which is wicked. Hoorah for my first scholarship after 1st year, assuming I have a chance of getting it that is.

Well, this weekend we have Guys' Night going on. The girls have a Girls' Night and meet up with us after. Last year was RIDICULOUS!!! We rented out this small bar, ordered pizza, played darts and shit for awhile, then the stripper came. When I say/write the word "stripper", some little part of me in the back of my head wants to yell "Woop, woop!", but then my conscious mind had to beat it back with some rational thought. You see, last year's stripper was not what you would call "attractive", nor was she "talented"... Actually, it would be a stretch to call her "bearable". We hired her for half the price of the next-lowest priced, and we had her for twice the time. That should tell you something. Later, after Tyler was working on a ship at sea over the summer, we found out that she's a prostitute who sleeps with the foreign sailors when they dock in St. John's. Back to the topic though: She was heinous. I think she may have had more C-sections than teeth, though I'm not quite sure.

After she did her thing, was ran out into the street (as a group of guys high on testosterone would) and proceeded to break things. Wayne, last year's prez, flipped out and ran into a phonebooth, smashing the glass. He then charged a snow-plow coming down the street. Yes, I said "charged". He tried to jump the side of the blade but just up flipping over it and landing on the ground beside it as it drove by. Some guys also ran into a bank ATM-room and wrecked it... while some elderly man was depositing money. They said he semmed stunned. And the receiver got ripped off another phone, etc, etc, blah, blah. Summed up: ridiculous. That's all I could call it. Of course, I wasn't involved in any of this.

While I'm semi on the subject of Wayne, I guess a few weeks ago, he and some buddies were downtown and trashed out of their trees. For some reason, Wayne picked this random guy to torment and started out by literally picking him up and throwing him at a hotdog vendor, knocking the hot dog cart over. The hot dog guy picked up his cart while the dude ran off. Later, that dude and some friends tried to hit Wayne between the legs with a guitar, and Wayne took on all 4 and pushed them around and scared the shit out of them! There was a bit more, but I forget it. Maybe it's just cause he never acted that way to people in the house, but I just can't picture him doing any of that stuff... He's... I don't know... just Wayne! Oh well, I guess it's different when he doesn't know you and he's immensely drunk maybe, cause he's never normally like that...

This is Wayne last year after doing over 100 reps straight with a 50 lb barbell (maybe more?) with his LEFT arm when drunk. Look at him. He's such a happy guy!

Tuesday, February 22, 2005


For all you people who haven't seen this piece of genius, here's the music video for Monkey Versus Robot my all-time favourite song ever in the history of songs.

That is all.

[Wednesday, February 23rd @ 3:31 AM]
I have made an amendment to the "Monkey Vs Robot" Clause, which shall read:
Squires girls, including but not limited to (in alphabetical order), Connie, Erin, Susan and Whalen, should leave comments every once in awhile if they're reading this stuff. Aaaaaaaaaand go.

Wow. Too much Model UN volunteering for Patrick...

Monday, February 21, 2005

This post sucks.

Lately, I've gotten onto this crazy clothes schedule. I don't change my clothes until about 6 o'clock at night. This may seem a little weird, but since I'm still changing every 24 hours, should I still feel gross? I can't decide.

I had to get up at 7 am today, so I am soooo tired... I decided to join the UN Society at MUN for some reason, and since the Model UN conference that they're putting on is going on all today and tomorrow, I've been helping with that. The only thing that went wrong all day was that some girl disappeared. I admit, it seemed bad at the time that there was a missing high school student and all her stuff was still lying around, but apparently she just went to work in a hurry. Her mom, who had supposed to be the one picking her up, called Campus Enforcement (CEP) so they had their full on-duty staff of FOUR officers scouring the campus for her. The funny thing was that when her mom called to report it, CEP didn't ask for her number, nor did they ask for a description of the girl, nor her name... I mean, COME ON!!! You're supposed to be a step below the police, but no one on staff thought to ask this?? What's funnier is that they continued to search for her, knowing only that she was a teenage girl. I don't know if you know how the model UN thing works, but you can't just go around yelling "Adolescent girl! Where are you? Excuse me sir, but have you seen a girl about 16 years old with eyes?". There are approximately 200 high school students present. Yep. You thinking that CEP is stupid? Cause I am. It seems as if their training doesn't go much beyound locking doors at night and "patrolling". I have added "CEP" to my Pending List of Things that Suck. Maybe I'll type it up some time...

And another thing for that list: The crappy dress shoes I had to wear today. Man, I haven't worn footwear that uncomfortable since my shoes caught on fire a couple summers ago... Whenever I took a step foreward, the wing-tip part part would bend and push down on the top of my foot. Following one repetition, this shouldn't've (is that a word?) been a problem, but repeat ad nauseam and you've got a big, sore, red spot on your foot. It's a funny shape... kind of looks like the Virgin Mary. Maybe I could cash in on this things-that-look-like-the-Virgin-Mary craze and pawn my foot to an online casino for money.

Hey! I just realized that since I started using this blog, I've become more liberal with the periods. As in dots-at-the-ends-of-sentences periods. I guess when I was using instant messaging things, I always felt that I needed to sound excited or whatever, but now I'm just like fuck it. Cause you can't be excited all the time. At least not without being irrating and getting diagnosed with A.D.D. -- MAN! I can't get over how... how blah I feel today! This sucks... In fact, "this" has been added to my Pending List of Things that Suck.

Sunday, February 20, 2005

Macguyver and drunks

Today, Bert came home from the mall with season one of MacGuyver on DVD. Firstly, I’ve got to say that MacGuyver is now one of my favourite shows. It’s just so ridiculous! In the pilot, there is a leak in a vat of sulphuric acid in an underground facility which is threatening to poison the state of New Mexico. The army has been called in to pump concentrated sodium hydroxide into the facility to neutralize the acid before it seeps into the water supply (though they later decide to just fire a subterranean missile, aka a regular missile aimed at the ground, into the earth so that it “fuses the rock around the contamination”). So anyway, MacGuyver finds the leak and patches it with -- get this -- chocolate bars. No kidding. Good ol’ MacGuyver.

I’ve got a stats counter thing for this site that tells me how many people who’ve visited and how they were referred, and apparently someone found my site by searching for “saran wrap” and “accidental ingestion” at the same time, just a few minutes before I checked. I couldn’t help but laugh when I realized that at that very moment, someone in this world had a large ball of saran wrap in their stomach and was frantically searching the internet. You know that’s what happened, because why else would someone look for that combination of words! But what kind of idiot eats Saran wrap anyway??? I mean, it’s not like there’s a warning on the box that says “do not ingest”, but it’s just common sense… erm… nevermind

So this is some stupid site that I found which amused me to no end. Well, I guess it wasn’t amusing to “no end”, but it was to some end that was a moderate distance away. Clearly, I wasn’t amused forever. That would just be ridiculous. But I digress… here it is anyway.

So yeah, Kirk and Mitch just came home from Liquid Ice both loaded and high. Here is a picture of them with Kirk talking about how fucked up he is and Mitch laughing. And I know you don’t read this Kirk, but HAPPY BIRTHDAY anyway! Sorry that we trashed your room, but we wouldn’t have done it if we didn’t like you. Might have pictures of the room trashing up later, but let me just say that it involved toilet paper, a table, a fake Christmas tree, recycling and garbage bins, wet floor signs, and an extra large bag of paper that had been through a shredder. And none of the previous items had been in his room beforehand. Basically, we just brought everything we could think of into Bailey and Kirk’s room, then hung/threw toilet paper and shreddings all over it.

Saturday, February 19, 2005

It's a "mhen" day.

Not much to say, but we had the Burke C.A.Res Valentine's Day Mixer last night, and this phrase describes my night fairly well:

Drinkin' triples. Seein' doubles. Feelin' single.

Maybe more later, but I'm not in a writing mood for once.

Thursday, February 17, 2005

Late night...

Last night Coleman came home loaded. It was funny since usually, if anything, I’m the one who’s drunk when the other’s sober. Last time this me-being-sober event occurred was last year, and we got Coleman to recite some freestyle poetry, which I still have! Here it is:

First Poem
Coleman is the coolest guy,
He only has cars that fly in the sky.
His socks are like moccasins,
Because of the Indians.

Second Poem
It was our first year,
We ran in in “fear”.
We said “OK”.
They said DONKEY!

[The quotey signs mean that Coleman did the quote action with his fingers]

And then of course, we can’t forget this gem:

I don’t do rhymes when I’m drunk,
I just split the words into the funk.

So anyway, him and Fancy and Erin (from Squires) came into the room trashed at 3 am, and since Steph had to come warn them about noise a few times, I figured I should distance myself from the drunkards. So I went down to study for awhile in the canteen, and when I came back up at 4, they were all still there. After Fancy left, Susan (from Squires) came over to pick up Erin, but she was also drunk, so they both ended up staying. At one point, Erin kept passing out while drawing with markers on the banner beside my bed. Go Erin!

I often sleep against the wall, and since there is washable marker all over the banner now, I’m probably gonna wake up and have a bunch of crazy-rainbow colors all over me sometime soon.

I went downstairs again, and Erin and susan came down and Erin passed out on the canteen table, so naturally, Susan and I turned out the lights and left her down there, thinking it’d be funny when she woke up in the canteen in the morning. She woke up, got stuck in the stairwell, passed out again, and eventually Martin (after getting freaked out from someone lying on the ground at the bottom of the stairs) ended up letting her back onto 3rd floor. Anyway, eventually they all went to bed, and when I came up at 6, I had no bed so I just fell asleep in my clothes. The End.

Oh wait, but first, this is a picture of Susan checking out Ugh...

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

The birth of a new drinking game... and KITTENS!!!

Who SAID Psych wasn't good for anything? Well... me. But I changed my mind. I was reading the textbook earlier today and they were talking about correlations between watching violence on TV and violent behavior, and they happened to mention Die Hard 2. Apparently, there are 264 deaths in that movie. That's a lot of death, but I don't see how any irresponsible behaviour can come out of seeing 264 deaths... But back to my idea: I should invent a drinking game where you watch Die Hard 2 and each time you see one of these 264 deaths occurs, you take a sip. It'd be like a cross between Roxanne and Century Club (100 shots of beer in 100 minutes)!

Last night Coleman and I were talking about getting a kitten or puppy or something. “But Patrick,” you say, “How can you have a pet in residence?” My reply is that there is lots of space in the drawer under my bed. People keep hamsters there, so why not puppies and kittens? Actually, the plan was to get one over the summer if we were both staying here… but then today I was walking through the Engineering building and saw a sign that said “FREE KITTENS!!”. I guess all I have to do is call this Stacy character, and she gives me free kittens. If anyone else would like free 6-week old kittens, her number is (709) 351-3562 as of February 10th, 2005 when she posted the notice. Like they say, there’s no better present for someone on a special occasion than kittens. And they also say that it should be a surprise.

And one more thing. I was doing an ego search on google awhile ago and found out that Coleman and I won the same weekly math contest when we were in grade 5! We’re
number 55. I used to think he was sort of weird back then, and now we’re roommates. At least I thought it was kinda cool…

Oh, and I found
this yesterday but forgot to post it. It's like "YATTA!", only in Arabic.

Happy two-days-after-Valentine’s Day, and don’t forget
March 20th! Good call on that link Billy.

It was a library day

Call me a big geek, but something exciting happened today. The librarian learned my name! It was a pivotal moment in the sacred librarian-student relationship. Actually, I told him that. Really. I even used the words "pivotal moment" and "librarian-student relationship". Mhen, I figured that they’d remember me sooner or later since I book out the single study rooms so often. Apparently his name is Patrick too, and he introduced me to Donna, another member of the librarianship (look it up, it’s a word!). Eventually, I hope to gain their confidence enough so that I can pull some strings and meet the head librarian. I mean, then I could get some sweet-ass library-type deals. Like... more... books? I’m sure there’s something I could get.

Actually, the reason I was there this time was because I was working on my library scam. You see, any student can reserve a public single study room, but there are also these private ones that you can get all to yourself. The catch is that you have to be a grad student or an honours student. So I recently applied to the honours program, with no intention of writing a thesis or completing it, so that I could get one of those rooms. I got me acceptance to the biochem honours program today, so I had been picking up the room form at the library. Wow... this story got really boring, really quick... Hmmm... And then a shootout erupted between the librarians and the radical left-wing "Society Against Books". Library-Patrick was shot in the shoulder as he attempted to defend Donna. I dove behind the public announcements board, pulled my scooter out of my backpack, and proceeded to scoot... I mean raze... around the lobby, dishing out retribution with my trademark ninja star weapons. When all the antagonists in the "Society Against Books" had been dispatched, the head librarian came out and awarded me some books and... a trophy. And a private study room. No kidding.

And now -- Dah da-da daaaaa -- Time for bed.

PS – I find this funny. And I like this piece of writing, though completely unrelated to the topic at hand (libraries, that is).

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

VD link

To mark the end of Valentine's day, here is an awesome link that I stole from someone. Enjoy! This is just a holiday that's more fun to bash than celebrate, at least when you're not with someone...!

Monday, February 14, 2005

Eff you, Saint Valentine!

Ok just a quick post I think. And yep, that's right... I said quick. Seriously.

Today is Valentine's day. A day when people in relationships get a warm and squishy feeling inside, while people who aren't develop a deep-seeded hatred for those who are. But I'm not one of those bitter people. My hatred is only mediocre-seeded. At most moderately-seeded. But not deep… that’s too far. Just kidding! Jay-kay! I love you all! …heh… So yeah, I don’t get why this Saint Valentine guy gets his own day. Wasn’t he just killed for attempting to help Christians escape harsh Roman prisons where they were often beaten and tortured? I mean, if this is the case, maybe we should just beat some Christians on February 14th. I mean, that’s fun, isn’t it? Again, I kid… I’m pretty sure that I am Christian, somewhere down there. It’s just the whole organized religion thing that irks me, but that’s another issue! And now onto other news.

Above is a picture of the waiting room that Coleman and I set up outside our room in the lobby. We figured that since so many people come and visit us, we wouldn’t want anyone to have to stand uncomfortably outside the door while waiting to be seen. So Coleman moved the couch over to our door and made a sign for the wall, and last night while studying after hours in the Chemistry building, I stole a clock off the wall. I spent a long time trying to rip it off, before realizing that the simple remedy was to lift it off the screw that it was fastened with. Go me! Right now it’s hanging from the third floor fire bell with packaging tape, which is probably some kind of fire hazard, but what can you do? Certainly not move it. I mean, come on. Also, we’ve got a magazine stand and some magazines for our visitors to peruse.

Heh… “peruse”… awesome…

Mhen? Whazza? Oh yeah… So way back when, there used to be a study light hooked up above the door of each room which you could turn on when you were studying. Inevitably, these became sex lights, and when housing caught wind of this they were removed. After this whole waiting room idea loses its appeal, I think I’m gonna hook the clock up where the sex lights used to be. Originally, I wanted to hook my strobe light up there, but Louis broke that awhile ago, and what’s the next most exciting thing? Clocks! Next time you’re at a party, just count the number of strobe lights and the number the clocks. I bet there’s more clocks.

PS – You will find your true love today. Man, I’m like a fortune cookie… except probably more bitter. Happy Valentine’s Day!

Sunday, February 13, 2005

Winter Carnival Mayhem

2nd place Winter Carnival!!! Last night was ridiculous! Lip Sync was the last event and at the end they announced that we were 1st in the banner competition, and 3rd in the Lip Sync! We were making so much noise when they announced second place overall, that we pretty much drowned out Barnes’ first place announcement and their cheering! Best we’ve ever done in Winter Carnival and it was soooo close! It all came down to the last night… If you're not in rez, I'll just tell you that winter carnival is BIG.

When they announced we were second, a bunch of people picked Martin (prez) up and we carried him out of the gym building. On the way through the door, he grabbed the canvas Winter Carnival 2005 sign, and when we all got back to Burke, he
put it up on his wall and everyone in the house signed it. His room was such a state by the end! He has like 7 holes in his ceiling from people pounding on it when someone else was doing a chug, and his futon was snapped in half because so many people were on it. And oh yeah, he bought a bunch of beer ahead of time because we knew we had at least second place, so it was free when we got back! The “Immaculate Glass” (the normal chugging apparatus) was misplaced, so we used whatever else we could find, including the 3-foot collapsible plastic horn we’d been using to make noise and a cardboard tube like the kind that you mail people big documents in. Ok… maybe it was just me who drank out of the cardboard tube, but I thought other people did at the time.

On an unrelated note, I noticed
Martin’s thermostat when I was downstairs taking these pictures. He was trying to fix it once and busted it off, and since they work on some kind of pneumatic system, it hissed all the time and his room was always warm. So anyway, he couldn’t get it to stop hissing with stickytac, duct tape, or anything else. When Kirby came over once, he attempted to fix it with peanut butter and toothpaste. Needless to say, this did not work and left Martin with a hissing blob of toothpaste and peanut butter on his wall. Eventually it got fixed by a repair guy, but it hasn’t been cleaned up yet. Mhen... this story made me laugh…

**Better pictures when I can get good quality ones from Mitch, cause my webcam sucks**

For some reason I kept calling my brother last night… I think I probably called him about 3 times (Sorry if I didn't make too much sense Chris!), and I talked to my mom too. I would not venture to call myself sober at that point. Oh well, nothing wrong with calling my mom when I’m trashed. I’m not even gonna pretend to be some angst-ridden individual; I love my mom!

And also, Coughlan House smashed Barnes’ Winter Carnival trophy! Apparently, Butthead and Abass stole it and were running away, but Butthead was drunk and slipped on black ice and just SMASHED it all over the ground. Poor Butthead. He felt pretty bad about it, and he got pretty cut up, I guess. I just think it’s funny.

Oh and one more thing about last night! First off, you’ve got to realize that mine and Coleman’s parents always send us big honkin’ blocks of cheese, even though neither of us is sure why. I mean, no one’s complaining… it just doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. So when you have a lot of cheese, you do stupid things with it. We’ve had cheese-offs at like 4 in the morning (where we cut what’s left of the block in half and each try to finish eating it first), we’ve done the “Coleman & Patrick Challenge” (where we find a frosh or drunk who we then challenge to eat what’s left of the block as quickly as they can, either for a small cash prize or simple bragging rights), but mostly we just throw cheese.
This comes into play during last night's events. I was drunk and out of nowhere I did a touchdown procedure with a block of cheese (hence the little bits of cheese all over our floor this morning), so the cheese was pretty much useless. Later, Coleman was in the room and Mills was lying on the floor in the lobby making a grilled cheese sandwich (don’t ask why this was happening at 3 am…). Since we have a – for lack of a better word – pillar outside our room in the lobby, Coleman tried to throw what was left of the cheese block at it while sitting at his desk. After the fact, he said that he thought it might explode and be cool. He missed, and clocked drunken Mills in the face… with a block of cheese. His glasses were all bent out of shape and it looked like he was going to get a black eye… from a block of cheese. Mills says that he’s gonna make up a story if he does get one, cause who wants to say that they got a black eye... from a flying block of cheese? Anyway, I think I’m going to eat some cheese… I think there’s another block in the fridge. Over and out I’m done.

Thursday, February 10, 2005

possibly too long a post...

PS - No one ever starts with a "PS", so I figured I'd break the mold and be original. But since being a rebel is kind of clichéd too, I'll just go back to writing what I normally do.

So I was corresponding with Sally through… a general means of communication… -- Ok I emailed her, BUT SHE EMAILED ME FIRST! Jenn, I know I said I’d email you as soon as I was done my intense work-week, but I’m sooo unmotivated! I need an email to me first, so that I have some content to write back about! -- Anyway, I was emailing Sally cause she wanted feedback on whether she should get her tongue pierced, and I kept writing the wrong word so that I ended up talking about her getting a tongue ring instead of a tongue piercing. I realized my mistake, but then I got thinking: wouldn’t a tongue ring be wicked? I mean, you could carry stuff around on it so that you wouldn’t lose it. You could even hook a carabiner onto it. Then you could be like one of those people who walk around with nalgenes hanging off their bookbags, except you’d have it hanging off your face. You could probably teach yourself to drink from it without your hands. Awesome. But yeah, it was great talking to Sally cause it’s been so long and in high school we used to talk like every day! Oh, and Megan called today! Another person who I miss alot (of course I miss everyone, but you know, not everyone calls me)! So… found out that Erica Keith’s house burned down and they lost EVERYTHING, even their kitten. I guess they were on the news and everything so luckily her and her roommates are getting a lot of charity… See: In general, people are really good. If you’re reading this Erica, I’m sorry! I’m gonna try to get through to you somehow. And maybe send you a care-package!

So yeah I freaked out today cause I saw on my wall some obscure course schedule that I had written up at the beginning of the term, and I saw that there was a class that I hadn't known about and hadn't been going to (School has been on for at least a month). So I kinda freaked out for awhile, but then I realized that I had just copied my schedule from the interweb with a mistake in it. So "no", I hadn’t been oblivious to the fact that one of my classes even existed, I'd just failed to perform a simple copying task. So last night we got back from open mic and everyone was bored. Since it was 2 am and Lori happened to have a bag of hamster woodchips left over from when her hamster was still alive, we decided to "get" someone's room. I'm residence, the definition of "get" would be: To wreak havoc upon with light-hearted intentions. So I grabbed the fan from our room and we rounded up an extension cord. The original plan was to open up someone’s door, walk in, put the fan face-up on the floor, turn it on full-blast, then dump the whole bag of hamster shavings on top. We weren’t sure exactly how it would work out, but it was presumed that a torrential cloud of hamster chips would be expelled violently into the air, covering every inch of surface area in the room. When we tested it, a few woodchips flew perhaps 5 inched above the fan, then fell to the floor and blew under our beds. Yeah… highly disappointing. So after trying to blow some under Grant and Canning’s door with similar nonspectacular results, we resorted to the crude method of cramming them underneath with a broom. I think it worked out fine.

Around 3:30 that night, Ashley came over loaded, and by 5 am Coleman and me and her were all watching lesbian porn, eating bagels, and drinking absinth. Yep, classy bitches we be. Then, as they went to bed, I went down to do inventory in the canteen, cause the chip guy was coming at 9 in the morning. So I was in bed by 6:30 am, and up at 9 so that I could start my Biochem lab, which I worked on till right before 4 pm today when it was due.

Right now, I still haven’t really gotten dressed. Usually, when I get into these random sleep schedules, I fall asleep in my clothes, then when I wake up, I just put another layer on top of what I was wearing the day before so that I at least look like I’ve gotten dressed. So during exams, I tend to end up wearing like 3 different layers of things in chronological order. Then, when I’m taking off my clothes to go shower, I feel like I’m going back in time. Or like a tree. Wow. And can you guess that I haven’t napped yet? That surprises even me. Then again, I have become increasingly incoherent (aka decreasingly coherent). Marf.

By the way, Rebecca is awesome and doesn't normally yell. Only when she's drunk.

To my brother, Chris: If you ever read this, post a comment every once in awhile why dontcha! Jerk.

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Midterm tomorrow and -- get this -- I'm going to BED. Yeah, that's right...

I was walking to the library today and a thought occurred to me. You know that motivational saying that goes something like "Tread off the beaten path"? You'd imagine that it was made up in an effort to get people to be unique and stop following the crowd, but I think it was just made up by some guy who had a beaten path across his lawn from punk kids cutting through.

On side-notes, after Game's Night, we're 2nd in Winter Carnival after Jay placed 2nd in checkers (I'm told the last game he played took about an hour), and Martin placed 3rd in Crazy 8 Countdown (I think it was a four hour game, and by the end they had all just decided to turn it into a drinking game and get loaded). Oh and I updated the Burke for beginners a bit. I think I'm gonna try to make it into a desktop background for me.

Also, this
website is very tiny.

That is all.

Monday, February 07, 2005

Here by popular demand... or maybe just by "a" demand (singular).

Just cause Adam asked, here's a summer pic of him doing... we're not quite sure. Him and Jana and me were just watching TV in his basement and eating licorice, when onto the TV came that stupid Lotto 6/49 commercial with the marching band floating on a raft. For reasons unbeknownst to Jana and I, Adam began doing some crazy licorice dance to the tune of the marching band. This wasn't just a one second thing... it continued for a good 20 seconds, and needless to say, Jana and I were baffled. You just don't get the full effect from a picture, but just imagine the full force of 135 pounds of Adam freakin out, convulsing, and flapping his arms while holding delicious candy rods, and you'll at least partly understand. You're awesome Lefty! Hopefully this is to your liking.


It's Monday afternoon, 2 of the clock. I'm just getting into bed now. I have not slept yet. If I could be any animal in the world, I would be a electric stapler: full of staple-y goodness and such.

VIDEO: Mormons = scary.

Saturday, February 05, 2005

A Saturday summer memory

McLean singing to Eminem in the back of Jana's car on the way to camping in PEI. I'm not quite sure how he got the sombrero.

Burke House Drama???

Wow. So much shit happened last night! First off, before I say anything, I'd just like to let everyone know that I'm going to be completely objective in my explanation, because I am taking no sides on anything. And just since I always get "subjective" and "objective" mixed up, what I mean to say is that I’m going to be completely unbiased:

So let’s start off with that jerk Billy… I mean… so let’s start off with that nondescript individual whose name is Billy. Raylene and him broke up and he was mouthing off to Saralynn (recently broken up with Chad, Billy’s roommate) at the Breezeway so she punched him in the face. Raylene got super pissed at Saralynn (they’re sisters and roommates) and screamed a lot, said she hated Saralynn, smashed her (curling?) iron, and fractured her own wrist from hitting things. At one point, she also taped a line down the center of the room with duct tape. Keep in mind; this was while everyone was drunk, and this is NOT normal Raylene activity (Love ya if you’re reading this). Also at the Breezeway, Mitch (recently out of a long-term relationship with Lesleyanne, who is now maybe with Craig) made out with Rebecca (recently broken up with Kirk, after he “cheated” on her with Saralynn). Kirk almost punched Mitch at the Breezeway, and later came home piss-loaded drunk and there was a yelling match between him and Rebecca. Again, things are immensely better today and tension is not so high, and a lot of people felt stupid about what happened. I just find the complexity of the situation quite comical. Hurrah for drinking. Here is a simple diagram of the recent situation (It’s posted with the “OC for beginners” diagram for the sake of comparison. You decide which is more complicated.):

Woot! Bringing the drama of the Valley to Newfoundland…

So Coleman and I had another stupid conversation. If you got enough humidifiers to fill the floor of our room, would you be able to make weather??? I thought that maybe you could do it with warm-mist humidifiers on the floor and a layer of saran wrap through the center of the room so that the cold air would come into the top part of the room through the window. I figure if you quickly pulled away the saran wrap, a cloud would form where the warm humid air from below met the cold dry air from outside.

Coleman thought that it would only work in a small glass box. Then you could crawl inside and experience weather whenever you wanted. That was how he put it: you could “experience” weather. I found this very amusing for some reason.

Think that’s stupid? We once carried on a conversation about how if you were going to invest in the stock market, you should invest in dog-racing and time-travel, because I mean, how can you lose? It’s a win-win situation! If the time-travel industry picks up, no one’s going to bet anymore, but until then, people will continue to lose money gambling. We’ve all watched Back to the Future II, so don’t pretend you don’t know how it works.

So this morning was Snowfrolics, the first real events of winter carnival. Burke won 2nd in the egg toss and 2nd in the tug-of-war, even though we lost the sled pull. Just so ya know, in sled-pull your house builds a sled and races it. Our sled, the mighty and noble Tundra, was made of milk crates and bread trays that were stolen from outside dining hall. After the race was over, we dragged it back to Burke and pushed it down one of the monstrous hills that the snowplows had made, complete with lots of boulders and ice. And oh yeah, Tyler was riding in it. Bowater came over and did the same with their “sled” (pretty much just a stolen beer sign). I’ll upload some pictures of the video as soon as I capture it onto computer, cause it was awesome!

Anyway, back to studying and being devilishly handsome… Ok… I mean back to studying then…

* And PS -- If anyone is in any way offended by the "Burke for beginners" picture, just tell me and I'll change/remove it. Seriously. It is just supposed to be innocent, but if you don't think so, I'll take it off no prob :)

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

Say hello to Martin.

Oh good lord. Posted by Hello

This is our president. His name is Martin. Last night, Martin was ambushed by a large group of people in the TV room. This group of people, henceforth known as “the mob”, grabbed Martin, wrapped him up in packaging tape, and taped to his back a large canvas sign advertising rum. One poor individual, known to all as Bailey, decided that since he and Martin had been talking about haircuts earlier that day, it was OK to shave Martin’s head. As you can see, Martin was at first outwardly angry, but later became the scary type of inwardly angry that makes me nervous. If I were playing a word association game and someone showed me a picture of a puppy playing in the grass, I would say “blissfully content”. If someone were then to show me a picture of Martin, I would probably say “Someone’s going to die, bitch”. Let me reiterate: I was scared of Martin. After this, the mob slid Martin down a snowy hill like a toboggan. Mobs are stupid.

Martin has a list posted now. As far as I know I am not on that list, but since Coleman is, I am probably fucked anyway...