this is my dull life. this is my dull life on drugs. this is a haiku.

Monday, February 27, 2006

Summer Video 2004: St. Martin's Trip

Starring: Adam, Coleman, Andrew & Pat

OK, as promised, I'm posting a video from way back in the summer of 2004. The background is this: One night earlier in the week, we'd driven my van out to this middle-of-nowhere dirt road off the highway. The "road" was basically just marshy land that had been beaten down by trucks. You need to drive up this way to get to some pond in the woods called "The Deep-hole", where people used to go swimming in the summer. To give you an idea of how bad it was, though we didn't get it on camera, there was an empty car stranded in a big puddle of mud up to the carriage, cause it had run over an drop-off an gotten stuck.

So yeah, we got to the end of the road that night, and it had been pitch black. We walked to the bank of the stream that you have to cross, looked down, and everyone freaked out cause there was a big bloody dead cow laying on the riverbank. We freaked out and drove home. I actually had that on tape at one point, but my brother taped over it. Fuckin' jerk. And you know what he taped over it with? His stupid, ugly friends, that's what.

Just kidding. His friends weren't that ugly...

So this video is when Coleman, Adam, Andrew & I went back to find the cow. Cause we're that cool. {That was the kind of stuff we did. Sometimes we'd pick out random destinations in the distance (such as big houses or cell towers) and try to find them in the car. For some reason the was actually really fun most of the time! I've got video of Jana and I out on an adventure to some place called "Backland Road", and maybe I'll post that sometime too.}

So after that cow search, we decided to drive over to St. Martin's (a little town about an hour away), and go see the caves along the shore.

Before you watch it though, you should thank Adam "Lefty" Leclerc for sending the video back to me. I'd lost it at some point, and the DVD with all the raw video files broke, so he saved this from oblivion. You go girl.

And also: HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY ADAM!!! Coleman and I did a webcam toast to him earlier, with Bailey's and Crown Royal whiskey, but you know what else I'm gonna do? When I get home to New Brunswick, I'm gonna make you a pizza. That's right. No no no -- tut tut -- thank me later.

So here's the vid. Enjoy, kiddies. If you can tolerate through the beginning, it gets better...

NOTE: If the video doesn't work, that's probably because it is stilling being processes. give it some time and it should be up within a few hours.

Saturday, February 25, 2006

Yay YouTube!

Hurrah! Just discovered YouTube, so I decided to post some old crap. The bulk of stuff is all stored away on DVDs, so this'll have to do for now...

First up is McAllister's Saint John Idol rendition of "Lean on Me", from way back in the summer of 2004. The main reason I signed up for YouTube was so that I could post more videos from that summer, so those'll come at some point in the distant future.

Note: Check out this site: Ask A Ninja. HIIIIII-LARIOUS! The first two videos (Episodes 13 & 12) seem to be the best.

(P)reviewing the week to come -- An Update.


Pending List of Things That Make Me Happy:
1. Ashley is coming back to Newfoundland on Tuesday night!
I love this girl. She was supposed to be living with us this past school-year, but unforeseen circumstances forced her to -- Hmm... how shall I put this? -- bail on us. Just kidding Ash, you know that I completely respect your "unforeseen circumstances". Just glad you're coming back. In honour of Ashley, I'm going to throw together a picture collage of her.

And here are some of the desktop background that she would make when she came over to visit and I wasn't there. Being as stressed out as I was the first year, I probably wouldn't have made it through without her... It was nice to come back from the library at like midnight, tired and grumpy, and find one of those backgrounds. Except for the "Welcome to Loserville" one, but that was just funny.

2. I'm going to Ottawa on Wednesday morning to participate in a NERD CONFERENCE! Yay!!! I'm in the UN Society, so I'm going to CANIMUN, my first collegiate-level model UN simulation. Woop woop! I'm representing Pakistan in the World Trade Organization ECOSOC room. In hindsight, I probably shouldn't have chosen a room that had nothing to do with anything I was knowledgeable in, cause yeah -- I've had to "cram" for this for the last few weeks. It's like a whole other course. So anyway -- We'll be going to seminars, taking part in debate, and getting a custom-tour of the Pakistani Embassy from their Ambassador. Hurrah!

3. And I'm going to see the Metric concert on Saturday night! I've jsut started listening to them recently, so I'm kind of new to the scene, but from what I can tell, they rock. Hardcore. Technically, the concert is sold out, so we're going to take the scalper route. So barring any unexpected pre-concert muggings or knifings, it should be a splendid concert.

Wow... this has been kind of a sensible post... Well... then.. um... VAMPIRE HOOKERS EAT PANCAKES. That's better -- just a dash of nonsense.

Friday, February 24, 2006

Midterms on my terms

Don't you love how communications have sped everything up? I've been studying for my German History midterm (which is tomorrow morning), and thinking about all the "Ages" and "Eras". You know -- Romanticism, Beidermeier, The Renaissance... People used to stick to the same ideas for decades. Some of these movements took up the better part of a freaking century! Nowadays, we've got fads that last less than a year. I mean -- what's with that? I'm pretty sure fads didn't even exist way back in the day, or at least if they did, they were too fucking slow to be recognized for what they were. What would it have been like if everyone had had cell phones back in the 18th century, to speed things up a bit? I'm sure that, rather than going through a whole century of the Age of Enlightenment, by the mid-1700s people would have simply been exchanging remarks on "that whole fad of reason that everyone was going on about for a year or two". Then they would have gone back to playing POG.

And what if the reverse were true? What if ideas and concepts still moved and changed so slowly? Well, then we'd have things like the "Age of Pokemon" or "The Chuck Norrisment".


Also, I had a midterm this morning. Julia and Pete stayed over and we crammed all night. Though I absorbed a bunch of info through the whole ordeal, the main thing I've learned is that if I condition my mind and body, I can force it to write a good test. But when I say "condition", I don't mean in the new-age-healthy-diet-positive-thinking way. The key is to engage in increasingly destuctive behavior -- cookies and donuts for supper, 3 large cups of coffee throughout a sleepless night, and a swig of Bailey's in the morning on the way out the door. That way, your mind recognizes the frightening trend and, in hopes of salvaging its only means of conveyance, it will put on a good show and ace the test.

So I must commend my brain on its decision to do well. It's a good thing it didn't make the mistake of trying to call my bluff, because I would have hated taking that shot of Drain-O after getting back home...

Thursday, February 16, 2006

What the funk?!

The only thing worse than studying a whole bunch, is studying a whole bunch and then CRAPPING UP ON THE FLIPPING MIDTERM!!!

I need a pick-me-up.

How about this: If everyone mails me a tiny bit of crystal meth -- I don't ask for much, just whatever little bit you might have lying around the house -- then I should have enough to get me through the next week. Come on... Sponsoring starving children is so last year. The year of our lord 2006 is all about supporting the potential drug addictions of Canadian college students.

Besides, you've got no excuse not to, cause the postal is free...


On a more optimistic note...


If that doesn't put a smile on your face... well... then maybe you should keep your stimulants to yourself. You clearly need them more than me.

Perfecting the spread-eagle power-nap

Yesterday, I rediscovered the fact that I've got a midterm coming up this Thursday. That being said, I naturally found myself in a single study-room in the library today. And following my approximately biweekly routine, I found myself becoming tired and taking a nap beneath the study-room table.

Y'see, normally I curl up right under the desk and remain in the same position until my 3 hours in the tiny room are up. Today though, I must have unconsciously spread out, taking up the whole diagonal of the square room's floor.

Normally I do pretty well in keeping track of when, approaching the 3-hour limit, I should crawl up onto my chair and attempt to look presentable. Why look presentable, you ask? Because that's when hot chicks, having been told by the librarians that they're to boot you out of the room -- that's when they come up and knock on the door. I guess it's not strictly hot chicks who do this, but today it happened to be.

The problem was that I was still sprawled out unconscious on the floor.

I woke to tapping. I was immediately alert, and before I'd even openned my eyes, I realized what was going on (Apparently I sleep lightly while napping on thin carpet from the 60s). Whoever was at the door would definitely be looking through the little window right about now, puzzled by the figure on the floor.

After several moments, I realized that, by the way I'd spread out, one of my feet was preventing the study room door from openning inwards. The knocker couldn't open the door even if they wanted to. Having still not moved or openned my eyes, I decided that my plan of action was to be one of strict inaction, ie. I would Ignore the problem and hopefully it would go away.

It didn't.

Following the third set of knocks (and after miming an awakening that would get me into the Screen Actor's Guild), I openned the door, apologizing profusely. I couldn't even make eye-contact, though this was partly because my own eye-contacts were stuck to my eyeballs and causing me to blink uncontrollably.

So yeah: I felt stupid. She felt stupid.
Everybody feels stupid.

The end.

Monday, February 13, 2006

British comedy? Yes, please.

OK -- best show EVER. At least until they make a show featuring crime-fighting alien robots which can turn into roller-coasters on demand.

< ASIDE> On realizing that my suggested ultra-show sounded strangely similar to Transformers, I googled "Transformer roller-coaster" to see whether this had already been done. What I found was the page of a dude who takes Transformers waaaaaay too seriously. A prime quote is this: "I understand that the Autobots were the ones who wanted a fair fight, but what kind of an idiot puts Omega Supreme in the middle of an uninhabited field 500 hours away from the battle?" What kind of idiot, indeed. Well, apparently the kind of idiot who is a fictional animated robot from space, whose sole purpose is to amuse those of the "Ages 7 to 13" demographic bracket, that's who. < /ASIDE>

Well, anyway... the real show I want to mention is "The IT Crowd", a British comedy show put out by Channel 4. I have decided that I love this show (even from seeing just the second episode), and therefore I will introduce you to it.

Here are the episodes so far (in order), for your viewing enjoyment:
  1. Yesterday's Jam
  2. Calamity Jen
  3. 50:50
  4. The Red Door
  5. The Haunting of Bill Kraus
  6. Aunt Irma Visits

Note: The last two episodes aren't available yet, but the links are directed towards the search results on Google Video which will soon (hopefully) have the video itself. That way, as soon as they're online, they'll show up.

Wet socks

The Meteorological Service of Canada's WeatherOffice defines St. John's weather as "freezing rain changing to periods of rain this morning then to a few flurries this afternoon. Rainfall amount 5 to 10 mm."

I feel that stringing a series of Indo-European-derived characters together to form a description of the climate does not do justice to the shit that is outside. The sidewalks are filled with the kind of snow that is thin and crusty on top, yet wet and slushy just below. And cold. Did I mention "cold"? Because it's cold.

Whole intersections and portions of road seemed to be flooded due to the rain and melting snow. Twice was I splashed by passing cars. It was just like in one of those clich├ęd romantic comedy moments, except that I have yet to make out with Julia Roberts (which definitely would have happened by now). And I haven't heard any Shania Twain music.

So I sat through my first class just fine, though my feet were soaked so badly that my late entrance was marked by squeegy-wet shoe sounds. I came to the library afterwards, and (due to the high moisture-content of my sneakers) my feet were really starting to itch. My first idea was to go into the public bathroom stall, remove my socks, fold it up in utilitarian toilet paper, and wring the hell out of it. Unfortunately, due to the one-ply-edness of said toilet paper, this didn't do much good.

Having readorned my feet in their feety attire, I emerged from the stall. I then realized that the bathrooms had automatic hand-dryers. "Oh Patrick, you crafty devil you," I thought as I once again removed my soaking shoes and socks. There were two dryers so, as I stood on top of my shoes, I stuck a sock on the nozzle of each one and let them do their thing. As I stood there, mentally patting my self on the back while watching my socks inflate, I remember vaguely noticing that my corner of the bathroom was starting to smell like feet.

"Dah well, who's gonna say anything?" I thought, before mentally giving myself a high-five.

I'd been there for a good 15 minutes, and was working on the last shoe when some dude said, "Man, that really stinks."

I shrugged it off, but it was at this point that I stopped mentally giving myself the wink-and-the-gun. Maybe it was in my head, but I began to notice the new-comers sniffing the air as they entered. Were my shoes that bad? I mean, I'd never had a smelly feet problem before... Coleman had a smelly feet problem, but me? Naw. Surely this was just a by-product of having 62 psi of hot air blown through every pore of my socks and shoes... But still...

I put back on my not-quite-dry right shoe and slunk out of the bathroom.

So now, here I am -- two relatively dry feet, and no skin off my back.

However, having stood directly in front of gale force, sock-flavored winds for upwards of 20 minutes, I'm praying that I don't smell like feet myself...

Thursday, February 09, 2006


I signed up to volunteer for WalkSafe this term, so this past Tuesday night, it was Coleman and I, stuck in a small office for several hours with nothing to do. After like an hour of doing nothing except making free popcorn and playing with the walkie-talkies, Coleman suggested that we each snort a line of hot chocolate (also free). Cocaine strikes fear into my pagan heart, but for some reason anything else seems like an acceptable idea. Don't ask. It couldn't be any worse than Sour Patch Kids sugar...
So we rolled up some pieces of the WalkSafe manual, set up some lines with my library card -- rebels that we are -- and got it over with. The powder didn't hurt but it was persistent, so we snorted some water to flush out the chocolatey-ness. And y'know what? As gross as it sounds, it kinda tasted good. I mean, all you'd need to do would be to snort some hot water and it would be like -- I dunno -- real hot chocolate. Freshly brewed. In your nose.

And then the next day, I rubbed my nose, and a chocolate boogie fell out. Gross, huh? Well... you know me -- Can't say I lack class.

Correction: You can... I just won't listen.


We had an intervention last week, and the end-result was that Hendric is moving out on the 12th. I've avoiding talking about Hendric for the last month, since we were living together and it would have been incredibly awkward if he'd ever come across my blog. But... after he moves out it's all fair game, so I'll be sure to post a review of "The Chronicles of Hendric". Who knows -- maybe I'll even make a movie poster for it. Cause I'm that cool.

And someone gimme your address so I can send you secret mail!

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Mail fraud?

For whoever's still listening, who wants to be part of my grand postal experiment??? All it involves on your part is your address. What I'm thinking is that I could cheat the mail system by sending a stamp-less letter via the return address. All I'd have to do would be to write the desired destination as the return address, and an even further-away fake destination (such as freaking Paraguay) as the "real" address. I'm not sure about this, but I don't think that post office dudes are technically allowed to just throw mail out, so they'd have to send it somewhere. As long as the return address is closer than the apparent addressee, then they'd just send it back to where it came from -- wink wink nudge nudge. I'm guessing it would be best to have the fake address as an international one, since then the North American return address would be cheaper.

Suck on that, you fascist postal bastards.