this is my dull life. this is my dull life on drugs. this is a haiku.

Tuesday, December 28, 2004


Ok, it's been a little while since I've written anything cause I've been preoccupied with Christmas and such, but I've finally got some time! I've been home for awhile, seen MOST people I really want to see, stupidly missed some (...Garrett...), and have had a near lethal dose of family. I love being home, but it kinda sucks that there hasn't been one real "get-together", especially when everyone else I've talked to from other places has had massive amounts of parties and everything. kinda sad... but i'm probably making it sound worse than it is. I'm actually having alot of fun seeing everyone!

So last night Adam, me, Chris (my younger brother), Andrew, Coleman, and Jon (Adam's younger brother) all went to Adam's and stayed up all night watching movies and playing "Trump: The Board Game". First off, I need to write out this formula that I've been working on:

[(Trump) + (Futureshop Boxing Day Sale) - (Fucking Ignorant Consumers)] > Jesus

Interpretation of this formula tells us that 1) Trump is a fucking wicked boardgame bitches, and that 2) Futureshop sales are wicked too. I got a computer better than mine at school for like $280, and some other stuff. Also, 3) "old people are ridiculous". They think that prosthetic bones and stuff give them the right to cut in line when you got there at 6:10 am (There was a brutal snowstorm, so even though we left at 5:30 in the morning, it took that long). Anyway, the moral of this story is that Boxing Day sales bring out the inner evils of the human spirit. And old people should die.

So, at home at about 10:30am, (after another 45 min return trip) I crashed. Like 9/11 crashed*. I was that tired. On an unrelated note, when I woke up earlier today, I decided that I was going to pull a Julian (a la Trailer Park Boys) and attempt to have a rum & coke on hand at all times for as many days as possible. The original intention was to just HAVE it, not DRINK it, but this proved difficult. It's hard to stay sober when you always have a drink in you hand... I am currently somewhat drunk but I've held up to my challenge from about 8pm earlier tonight, and since then I've been to Adam's house, played pool with his family and neighbors, went cruising (not me driving), and went to Tim's! GO ME!

As of right now, I'm trying to figure out how this trip to Springhill to see Ashley and Alisha is gonna work out... hopefully I'll get to visit, but who knows how it'll work out. And Jana, you are not leaving till we hang out. Period.
Oh and hey, I talked to lucas today! That was awesome cause I haven't talked to that kid in such a long time since he moved to Montreal! Of course, because my mom woke me up for the phone call from him, I remember very little of the beginning of the conversation. I tend to forget everything I say during the first 5 min after I wake up. I once told Coleman (roommate), when he tried to wake me up for a lab exam, that I (quote)"had talked to the instructor and told her how busy I was, and she said I didn't have to write the exam"(unquote). This event did not transpire. I showed up like 20 minutes late for the exam, freaking at Coleman for not waking me up, and I still don't recall the comment.

Well, over-and-out I'm done. Happy Birthday Craig and Sarah! You guys rock!

*Patrick apologizes for any who he may have offended with the off-hand 9/11 comment. It was inappropriate.

Sunday, December 19, 2004


Ok, i just had the worst transportation experience ever! I didn't sleep more than 1.5 hours last nite, since i was up so early to get taxied over to the st. john's airport at 5:30 this morning. I had a cool cabby and we talked about random shit and somehow it came up with the dispatcher that one of his fellow taxi dudes had some operation on his colon which got messed up, so he wasn't going to be able to work over xmas as expected. The dispatcher was asking for donations from other cabbies, so when i left, i gave my guy $20 to give to him. This comes into play later.

During my loooong stopover in halifax, i kept falling asleep and waking up after a few minutes. Finally, i woke up near the flight time, but the airport lady said the noon flight was boarding in about 3 minutes. Upon hearing this, i promptly fell asleep again and woke up an hour after my flight had left. The lady (Nancy MacKay, you fuckin rock) was helping me sort stuff out for like two hours. Finally, i got through to my parents in moncton, who had come up from saint john to pick me up at my supposed destination, and they told me to just take a bus to SJ since they couldnt wait around till the next flight at 10pm. I tried to buy my bus ticket but i had no money in my spending account, and i couldnt transfer from my school account online cause the internet cafe was too outdated and didnt have 128-bit encryption, and i couldnt transfer by phone because i forgot my phone banking PIN, and i couldnt speak to a real goddamn person because it was sunday, and i couldnt call my parents cause i had used up my last $3.15 to leave a 30 second message on my dad's cell earlier. Basically i was fucked.

In the end, somehow my parents called the airport and booked my bus ticket from SMT moncton, and i left at 4:30pm and just got home at like 9:30pm... by the way, i watched the camcorder videos from friday nite (the ones after i had passed out) on the bus... and bailey, you really did strip down butt naked in a room full of people and drink whiskey sours. You're a mad man!

Sorry if this has been me bitching the whole time, but im just so tired and cranky. I don't regret giving that money to the cabbie, i just find it funny that that was the one time i could have actually really used it... but i did find a quarter later that allowed me to scrounge together 1.25 for chips, my only food that day... GO ME! Going to bed for now, but def goin out tomorrow night! I miss all my friends in kv!

Home later today!

Well, today was pretty slow, but a really fun way to end the term in Newf! Narrowly missed getting out of rez by noon, but ended up getting it all together. So yeah, it ended up being Coleman and Julia, Jill and Ben, and then me. We went to Jill and Julia's terrible office party, which they were supposed to bring a date to, but which i just tagged along to as an extra! There was this one other girl there who didnt have a date, so since we were both 5th wheels together, it wasn't so bad.! I just realized now... we could have teamed up and been a bicycle! badoom-ching! ... drats.

So blah, blah, blah came back here, got drunk off free liquor from julia's (thanks bruce!), and watched christmas movies and "Much's 20 hottest girls"... someone should shoot that terrible host. seriously. I'm blacker than him (for those of you who don't know me, i am ridiculously white). But yeah, hanging out with Ben and Jill was so much fun, and it sucks that i didn't really get to until like the last day here! Hopefully we'll do it again next term. By the way, i love julia.

Saturday, December 18, 2004

Soooo... late-slash-early...

Well, it's about 6am and i am incredibly off schedule with my sleeping patterns... finished my exam at 2pm, so the plan was to mix up some drinks in nalgenes, rent out a group study room at the library, and go get plastered... did i mention in the library! I mean, how awesome would that have been? needless to say, this did not happen... instead me, Coleman, Martin, Billy, Pete, and Bailey all drank the texas mickey down in the prez room. For those of you who aren't informed, a texas mickey is 120 oz of pure liquid refreshment/death. This one was Canadian Club Whiskey. Not my idea. Mitch was originally in on the mickey instead of Bailey, but he suffered from alcohol poisoning last night and was still very sick all today. Again, for those of you in the house who didn't drop by last night to see him convulsing, i'll sum up what happened real quick:

Mitch drank. Mitch drank more. Mitch passed out. Mitch's respiratory control center began to shut down. Lesleyanne called medical aid. Mitch cried.

Darren (medical aid guy/previous proctor) said that he was the second worst drunk he had seen in residence this year. (The blue ribbon goes to the guy who went to the hospital.) His breath would get slower and slower, then stop for awhile, then he would start gasping for air and convulsing. It was pretty scary... but I definitely taped it! Go slideshow!! And remember: Mitch cried! Those are real tears on tape people!

So anyway, sidetracked, but long-story-short: Mitch out, Bailey in. I had a grand total of 3 drinks before i stopped remembering ANYTHING. Yes, that's right, THREE. I was up all night studying and then started drinking, so I was very worn out. It is only the 2nd time ever that I have completely blanked, and I mean I don't remember a thing (Clearly, the first was at Garrett's that one time...). Apparently I had a good time and threw up on the carpet floor in the study room.

Well, you live and you learn. Hold on... that doesn't apply to this situation... I assume you need some type of what some might call "memory" to learn anything... Dah well, when in Rome...

By the way, if anyone is looking for Matso, he is sleeping behind me on Coleman's bed. Please come and claim him. And no, I do not mean that Matso and I are sleeping on Coleman's bed together, with him behind, in a homoerotic fashion. I mean that he is literally in back of me right now on Coleman's bed. I will be sleeping in my bed.